New Leadership Roles Can Feel Overwhelming, But You Can Overcome It
The following contribution comes from Medium, which defines itself as follows: Medium is a space for human stories and ideas. Here, anyone can share knowledge and wisdom with the world, without needing to build a mailing list or followers. The internet is noisy and chaotic; Medium is quiet, yet brimming with information. It’s simple, engaging, collaborative, and helps you find the right readers for what you have to say.
The author is Zach Hughes, Technology Lead at CHS.
I often talk to leaders who are new to their roles. They aren’t new leaders, but for some reason, they’re in a new position, due to a reorganization, a promotion, or a job change. When I ask them how they’re doing, I usually hear answers like “busy” or “fine.” Occasionally, I get a very brave response: “I’m overwhelmed.”
I appreciate this response because it’s completely normal to feel this way in a new leadership role, but few are vulnerable enough to talk about it. In this article, I’ll explain why it’s normal and how to overcome this feeling.
Normal
Feeling overwhelmed is normal.
It doesn’t mean you’ve made a mistake. It doesn’t mean you’re unqualified. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad leader. It simply means you’re in a new role.
To illustrate, let’s make some comparisons between your new role and the leadership position you just left. Even though we don’t know each other, I bet the comparison below is at least 80% accurate:
Transitions to a new leadership role are difficult.
It’s completely normal to feel overwhelmed. Don’t let imposter syndrome take over.
There’s a difference between feeling overwhelmed and acting overwhelmed. It’s important that you recover for the sake of your team.
I don’t mean «fake it till you make it,» but rather that you build confidence. This requires emotional intelligence and optimism. It can be difficult for some, but as a leader, I know you can do it.
Now that we’ve normalized the feeling of being overwhelmed, let’s talk about what it takes to overcome it. This is temporary. You will get through it.
You’re no longer overwhelmed.
The first and most important thing you need is time. How much time? After about 90 days, you start to feel comfortable and able to adjust. After six months, you begin to feel like the new normal is settling in. After a year, you feel like you’re finding your rhythm and making tangible strategic progress.
You need time, but you also need to use it wisely.
Here are some ideas to help you make the most of it and accelerate your exit from the «overwhelm city.»
The first 90 days are all about discovery. Be curious as you begin to understand your new team, clients, and stakeholders.
Keep in mind that new leadership roles often bring old problems with them. After all, you were hired for a reason. Don’t be surprised if you experience a short interval in your «Mean Time Between Terrifying Discoveries.» Once this interval widens, you can rest assured that a new skeleton won’t emerge from every closet you open. It’s a good feeling. Expect to reach this point around day 90.
From day 90 to day 180, you should be able to establish some routines. You’re no longer meeting many people for the first time.
You can develop the rhythms of your new role. Schedule regular meetings. Gather the information you need to manage effectively. Deepen your relationships. You’re no longer trying to remember names, but rather building relationships and fostering trust.
From day 180 to day 365, you can begin to think strategically. Before this point, I think it’s too difficult. When you start a role, you only have your own previous experience.
That’s not enough to develop a strategy.
You need to learn the context and nuances of this new role and the new people around you. Some of your past experiences are relevant, and some aren’t. Some of your team’s current practices are good, and some aren’t. It takes time to figure this out.
365 days in a new position should be very different from the first or third day.
If you do things right, you’ll have everything under control. You should have established relationships that work well.
You should have a clearer vision of the future and a perspective on the next steps needed to advance your cause.
And that means you’re no longer overwhelmed. Congratulations! I knew you could do it.
You reached a leadership position, but now you’re losing your mind.
The following contribution comes from the website of Claire Seeber, a career and leadership coach, speaker, and trainer based in Perth, Australia, who works worldwide.
And she is the author.
Here’s how to maintain your confidence when you feel out of place!
You’ve made it. All your hard work has been recognized. The late nights, the extra work—it’s all paid off, and you’ve been promoted to a leadership position. Amazing! You can lead a team.
You can set the tone for your team and drive their goals. It’ll be fun, they said. It’ll be great, they said. You’ll be great, they said.
Then reality hits you. You’ve never managed people before.
In fact, you’re now managing people who were your colleagues last week. You used to complain about your boss at lunch; now you are that person.
Damn!
Will they talk about you behind your back, too? Will they think you’re incapable or that you shouldn’t have been promoted? Are you even capable? Oh my God, people will realize I can’t handle this! I can’t do this! (insert minor meltdown…) These are some of the thoughts I often hear people go through when they first start leading a team.
HELLO Impostor Syndrome, it’s great to see you again!
Welcome to the club of women (and some men!) who experience it daily. Impostor Syndrome can manifest in many ways and on many different occasions; it’s a «to each their own» syndrome.
Have you ever had that overwhelming feeling of insecurity, that sense that everyone around you is questioning your ability or your worth? That, my friend, is the ever-annoying Impostor Syndrome in action.
I used to be terrible at this and was the very embodiment of what Impostor Syndrome represents. And then, one day,
I realized something. No one told me I couldn’t do something or that I wasn’t capable.
In fact, quite the opposite. It was all in my head. I was telling myself I wasn’t capable.
Are you reading this and wondering if imposter syndrome has taken hold of you?
Here’s what imposter syndrome might feel like:
Being completely certain that you’re going to fail at almost everything you try;
Devaluing or belittling your experience or knowledge in front of others because someone else might seem more confident, experienced, older, or wiser than you;
Feeling like a fraud and that someone is going to find out your lack of ability; or
Being certain that someone else’s leadership style, ability, and confidence are better than yours.
A promotion is a big deal, so first and foremost, well done! Moving from a role as an individual contributor, where you’re in control of your own results, to a role where you help a team succeed is a significant change and can be overwhelming. But don’t panic: here are some things to consider during your transition to a leadership role:
Accept that there isn’t just one «great» leadership style and STOP comparing yourself to others: YOU are great too.
Prepare to feel a little awkward at first: transitioning to a new role, and even more so to a leadership position, is always a bit uncomfortable. People get used to things being a certain way, and when they change, it can be challenging for some at first. Accept this. It’s not a reflection of your ability; it’s simply the process of change.
Recognize that you had to play a part in your current success; it’s not all down to luck or any other nonsense you’ve been telling yourself. You were promoted because they saw something in you; now stop thinking about yourself and prove them right!
Ask your team what they look for in a good leader.
This will not only show them you care, but it will also give you a clear idea of the support they seek from you.
Acknowledge it: When you feel self-doubt or that you’re not doing a good job in your new role, call it Imposter Syndrome. Once you’ve acknowledged it, it will almost be easier to accept. Now that you’ve accepted it, get rid of the self-critical thoughts and move on!
Find a supportive partner.
Whether you have someone in your life you can do this with, or you need to consider finding a coach or mentor, find someone who can help you recognize these feelings and implement the necessary actions (in addition to those mentioned above) to overcome them. Taking on a leadership role can be scary, a little uncomfortable (especially when you’re now managing people you were previously hierarchically equal to), and you start to feel like your days have a very different meaning and purpose. Don’t panic. This isn’t a reflection of you or your abilities; it’s simply the discomfort of transitioning to a new role. Have confidence. Be brave and believe that you were given this opportunity because YOU CAN do it.
If, despite following the advice above, you’re still experiencing imposter syndrome, perhaps it’s time to invest in yourself to learn how to manage it. I can help.
I help women overcome their own obstacles. I help you deal with overthinking, imposter syndrome, and self-doubt—everything that prevents you from being a confident and empowered woman in your work and life.
With love,
Claire Seeber Signature
Career and Leadership Coach and Consultant
Working in person, online, and on stage with you and your teams
First-Time Team Leader – Feeling Lost
The following contribution comes from the Manager Tools portal, which defines itself as follows: it was created to meet a need: the need for better managers and leaders in the world! Managers rarely receive practical guidance on how to achieve success and what they can do to be effective leaders. Too often, when they do receive guidance, it is misguided or impractical. At Manager Tools, we believe in behavior and collect data so you can learn how to engage in activities that have proven to increase results and retention.
These are opinions on the situation of leaders facing teams for the first time.
I have a team of six people and was recently promoted to team leader with the understanding that I was being transferred to manager. Our company has undergone significant changes lately, and this was unexpected for everyone (at least for the time being).
One member of my team is actively looking for a new job, acts as if she has already switched off, and doesn’t even speak to me in the staff meetings I lead; she answers my questions by looking at and talking to the manager.
She complained to management because they didn’t apply for my position.
Another member of my team told me in a private conversation that they like me, but don’t want to work with me. I’m young; he’s been here longer and is older than me, and I understand his feelings and reasons. I feel a bit lost and don’t know how to move my team forward. I’ve started using feedback, mostly positive, but I’m not yet in a position to really implement one-on-one sessions and coaching.
My manager is a great mentor overall, but I’m hoping for some advice. I’m completely new to this and am doing my best to maintain trust and do a good job so my team will support and trust me. Is there anything else I can do?
Submitted by Dawne Tiller on Friday, April 10, 2015 at 10:36 AM
Submitted by adacosta83 on Saturday, April 11, 2015 at 4:13 AM
I was in the same situation as you. I assure you this will improve, but it will require effort. I think you’ll find the answers in the Manager Tools podcasts. A few suggestions:
What you’re aiming for is to build a better relationship with your managers. You can achieve this by communicating with them regularly. Listen to the Manager Tools podcast titled «One-on-One Part 1,» published in July 2005. As Dtiller says, starting with O3 is the best decision any manager can make, and not many managers are doing it. At first, it will feel strange, but that will quickly fade, and it will become a cornerstone of your success.
One more thing to consider: If your subordinates ignore you or tell you directly that they don’t want to work with you, they are simply being rude, unfriendly, unprofessional, and damaging team morale. This kind of behavior is also disrespectful to the manager and the organization that made the decision to promote you. Neither you nor I would dare speak to or treat our new boss the same way. The good news is that you have decision-making power, even though your subordinates try to undermine your authority. Thanks to your authority as «boss,» you have the power to stop that behavior through feedback.
Honestly, if that person continues to ignore you in team meetings after two instances of verbal feedback, I would put them on disciplinary action.
Ignoring Your Boss
How can someone expect to be hired outside the organization, or even promoted within, if they exhibit harmful behaviors like ignoring their new boss? It took me almost a year to feel comfortable in my new role, but the resources on this website and my boss’s support were instrumental in that transition. Prepare yourself and focus on the long-term benefits. You can do it.
Let us know how it goes.
Submitted by Lance Emerson on Tuesday, April 14, 2015 at 1:27 PM
«I’m completely new to this.»
«I’m completely new to this and I’m doing my best to maintain trust and do a good job so my team will support and trust me. Is there anything else I can do?»
Your team won’t support or trust you unless they respect you.
There’s a podcast about assertiveness. It’s not the same as aggressiveness. You mentioned that you’re trying your best to maintain trust. From your description, it sounds like you’re projecting a timid attitude. If you’re on the verge of losing trust, you can be eaten alive.
Reading between the lines, it sounds like you’re questioning yourself. If you truly have authority over these people, they need to know that you expect their cooperation and that there must be consequences if they don’t comply. If you truly don’t have authority, you can’t expect them to obey you. Unfortunately, sometimes executives give an employee a title that’s little more than a badge of honor, and that creates confusion among everyone regarding the shift in power.
I suggest you talk to your manager. He Or she’ll understand your problem. You need to know for sure how much authority you have and how much support you have to deal with these issues. If an employee came to me… If someone said, «I like you, but I don’t want to work for you,» I would reply, «That’s a shame. Good luck in your new job, whatever it is.» If management is willing to back you up, you can take firm steps to stop the disrespect. If they’re more hesitant, like, «Oh, it’s just Suzie, don’t take it personally,» you have no choice but to listen carefully, try to communicate effectively, and hope the manager position comes soon.
The Leader’s Loneliness (and What You Can Do About It)
The following contribution comes from the Strengthscope website, which defines itself as follows: a strengths development organization that promotes positive psychology in workplaces worldwide. We help individuals, teams, and leaders discover their unique strengths in a practical and memorable way. The result is a more diverse, engaged, productive, and agile workforce. We foster a more rewarding and enjoyable work environment. We generate a positive economic impact.
Author: Dr. Paul Brewerton
In my work as an executive coach and leadership developer, I often perceive a tacit anxiety in the room, emanating from leaders.
This happens, in particular, when someone takes on a new leadership role that takes them away from their primary area of expertise, or when their context changes significantly.
Sometimes, however, it happens subtly… As a leader, you may be surrounded by familiar people and environments, but unless you pay close attention to your surroundings, your sources of feedback and support, and the evolving demands of your role, you might experience a growing anxiety that… somehow… you’re on your own.
I was recently talking to a colleague who was reflecting on his time in retail and the nascent realization he had, upon taking over as a branch manager and walking into “his” store, that the minor disarray and staffing issues they discovered upon arrival were now solely theirs. And that the responsibility for fixing them began and ended with them. No one else. They were on their own.
Taking on a leadership role is one of the most challenging career transitions. In doing so, you accept leaving the relative comfort of your area of expertise, the knowledge and experience that likely enabled you to reach the leadership position, and venturing into a new world of people management, new processes, the need to influence, manage relationships, collaborate with colleagues, and communicate effectively with new audiences. You rarely anticipate what this will look like and how it will feel, and in most organizations, most people are not yet receiving the training and support necessary for a solid start. So, in a way, you just manage to get by, perhaps regretting having taken the plunge, learning by default, rather than by design, how to lead and manage a team. And, hopefully, you figure out for yourself how to succeed in your leadership role and, indeed, in your new career path.
And as you move from frontline to strategic leadership, this potentially isolating experience is amplified.
Often, leaders who anticipate this change will feel they won’t have enough, or even anything, to do in their new role. They may wonder what it actually means to contribute strategic information, establish a vision, build effective external alliances, or whatever else the strategic leadership role description demands. What they don’t know is that their days will be filled with higher-stakes decisions, more political maneuvering, and a greater need for effective influence than ever before. And even with all the hustle and bustle, they may feel more alone than ever. By the way, there’s more on the specific challenges of strategic leadership in my podcast, «Four Truths About Strategic Leadership,» in season 11, episode 1. So, if becoming a leader can create a sense of loneliness, and continuing on your leadership path can become increasingly isolating, what are the risks, and what solutions have worked for other leaders? Here’s my four-step guide to dealing with loneliness in leadership…
Feeling like an imposter
It’s very common for new leaders or new strategic leaders to feel that they don’t have the skills or knowledge to be effective in their new role, that they don’t justify their shiny new compensation package, and that they’ll be found out at any moment when someone taps them on the shoulder and asks them to return to their usual place in the hierarchy. In short, they feel like imposters.
You pretend you know till you make it.
The thing is, in many ways, when you take on a new role, you’re an imposter. You pretend till you make it. You learn to do the new job while getting paid under the assumption that you already know how to do it. It sounds pretty much like an imposter.
As if you’re not the real deal, but rather pretending. However, the point is, no one is going to knock on your door telling you they made a mistake. That’s because the organization knows better; they know you need to learn how to lead and work your way into your new role. And they don’t believe you’re an imposter. They chose you in good faith and based on solid evidence.
Carrying Your Strengths
But what can you do to avoid feeling like an imposter? My advice is to carry your strengths with you. Wherever you go, whatever you do, you know you can rely on your personal strengths for energy, motivation, and inspiration. You’ll need to think and plan how to make the most of them in your new context, and you’ll need strategies to manage the risks of overload, but I have no doubt how valuable your strengths are, both for you and for others, when you find yourself in an uncertain context, such as a new role or a leadership position.
Enthusiasm, Empathy, and Leadership
Take Phil as an example. For years, he has used his strengths of Enthusiasm, Empathy, and Leadership to manage projects. To inspire the team about the journey ahead, understand their concerns, and lead the way, following the plan to deliver the project on time and within budget.
Moving up to a leadership position meant rethinking these strengths. Now, Phil needed to develop a clear vision for his team to achieve the objectives, communicate his vision consistently and convincingly, and understand each team member deeply to help them perform at their best in the role. Same strengths, different case study.
And Jen. Taking on a new leadership role with a supercharged efficiency strength that had always delivered good results. Only now, the position required deep reflection during the first 90 days to understand the team’s situation and the plan needed to achieve its objectives. Implementing a strategy to mitigate excess strengths, with a strategic mindset and emotional control, to prevent efficiency from spiraling out of control too soon. These other strengths helped them pause, take a step back, and observe what was happening in terms of processes and people before moving into the planning phase. So, the number one piece of advice is to leverage your strengths to gain energy, confidence, and the best chance of a solid start.
Without knowing what success looks like or how they are performing.
Leaders in new roles often complain that no one has been clear about their expectations. This is very different from the conversations you have early in your career with your teammates and direct supervisor, where everyone is very clear about what they need from you and happy to offer their input on how you should perform the role, as well as what they expect from it.
As a leader, there seems to be an unspoken expectation that you’ll know what’s needed simply because you’re a leader.
Why? So, to fill this information gap, what can you do? Ask your key stakeholders: «What would success look like for you working with my team? And with me?», «What have you learned from past experiences that works and what doesn’t?» Ask each member of your team: «How would you prefer to be managed? What do you need in your role to thrive and even exceed expectations?» And a special mention for your boss: you need to know their expectations for success in your role during your first 12 months (or sooner, if that’s their expectation). And if they aren’t clear enough, you’ll need to discuss it until you both understand it. And until you’re both satisfied that you can meet those expectations. By the way, make everything as measurable as possible so you can track progress.
Once you have a clear understanding of your goals and the expectations of others,
you’ll be in a prime position to request feedback on your progress toward them.
There are two ways to do this:
- Consult with key stakeholders regularly or on an ad hoc basis to explicitly request feedback on your progress.
- Obtain comprehensive feedback on how you collaborate and communicate with your colleagues, how you meet the objectives and goals of your role, and how you manage and lead your team. But please, don’t wait until your annual review to discover what you were supposed to be doing or what expectations you haven’t met that weren’t communicated to you when you started the role. Believe me, you’re the one who needs to figure it out.
You’re not confident in your decisions.
When you feel like you should be the one making the tough decisions, that you’re expected to know best how to solve complex problems because you’re on the leadership tightrope, it can be tempting to take on everything and try to do it alone. But that risks alienating others who should be involved in the decision-making process because they have valid and valuable opinions. And without including them, you won’t have their full support because they’ll feel like the decision was made without them. Even when you overcome that challenge and involve your team members in the decision-making process, you may still suffer from groupthink: the idea of rallying around a decision because there isn’t enough diversity of thought in the room or because people don’t feel confident enough to voice dissenting opinions.
So, what can you do?
First, think more about including others’ opinions, but don’t necessarily seek consensus; it’s dangerous (due to the risk of groupthink) and unlikely.
Aim for an outcome acceptable to the majority and ask for support. Ultimately, you’ll be responsible for making decisions, and you should be comfortable with that, but it will help to have the support of others.
Challenge, Solution, and Decision
Second, make sure you get enough diverse ideas from different perspectives on the challenge, the solution, and the decision.
Strengths are an excellent method for achieving this. Having strategic thinking, attention to detail, common sense, critical thinking, and creativity (i.e., all the thinking strengths) in the room will give you a good chance of accessing diverse and complementary thinking styles. But make sure different sets of experiences and backgrounds are also represented in the room, or you could miss something crucial.
Lack of Support
Leadership loneliness is real. And you can do a lot to reduce it by ensuring your support network is strong enough. Don’t rely solely on the support of your immediate supervisor, as that carries risks, although, of course, their support is important.
But beyond your immediate supervisor, if you have people in your support group who can guide you, mentor you, think collaboratively with you, support and advocate for you, and listen with understanding when you simply need to vent, vent, or let off steam, you’ll be in a better position than if you thought you could do it all alone.
In short: being a leader can be lonely, but it doesn’t have to be.
There are several ways to avoid the loneliness of leadership. They all require you to actually DO something, but none of them are rocket science. You’ll need to develop new habits and potentially think differently about how you perform your role compared to past experiences. But as they say, «what got you here won’t necessarily get you there.»
Leadership requires a fresh perspective and space to consider how you can change your approach. So take your time, consider the options, and make sure you give yourself the best chance. It’s up to you. Until next time, stay strong. But don’t fall into the trap of trying to be the «strong» leader.
How to Overcome Feeling Lost in Your New Job
The following contribution comes from the Assertiveway portal, which defines itself as follows: We help professionals express themselves effectively so they become more productive, more engaged, and better leaders, while commanding respect and accelerating their careers. We achieve this by honing their assertive and respectful communication skills so they can express exactly what they mean, convey their message, and positively influence others without coming across as aggressive, difficult, or abrupt.
These communication skills include: effective disagreements, feedback, communicating ideas, influencing, conflict management, decision-making, making requests, communicating bad news, expectations, and boundaries—all while building trust and respect.
Author: The Assertiveway Team
Feeling lost in your new job? Overwhelmed by a new role or project? Feeling unprepared for this step? Have no idea what to do to get the job done?
Don’t give up! If you give up, your confidence will decrease. If you overcome it, your confidence will increase.
When I felt lost in a new job.
I was a junior analyst and finally got promoted to the position I wanted as a manager. I felt like a complete mess.
I felt like a complete mess.
I had no idea what was going on. I didn’t know what my boss was asking of me. I didn’t understand the terminology, the jargon, or the product names. I felt like I was constantly bothering others to ask me for help and guidance.
My new team distrusted me and yelled at me.
I had no control over them. Every week, a bunch of problems would pop up, and I felt guilty. My team would even step in to fix «their boss’s» problems, and my boss knew all about it. Sometimes, my team would refuse to do what I asked them to do.
My boss would take me to meetings with clients and partner companies to negotiate and resolve issues, and I didn’t know what to say. I often received nasty messages from suppliers and business partners about my poor handling of situations.
I thought my boss could fire me any day. I was incredibly stressed, but I persevered.
Here’s what I did to overcome the overload.
Here’s what I did while all those problems were arising:
I didn’t bottle it up. I didn’t hide. I constantly talked to my boss about my challenges, even though I felt like I was exposing my weaknesses and that he regretted hiring me.
Not doing the work or constantly failing was an even worse option. Quitting wasn’t an option until I gave him at least a year’s contract.
When my team complained a lot about me, I told my boss what had happened and how I had handled the situation. Then he gave me advice.
When an employee refused to do the work, I told my boss, and he gave me guidance on how to deal with it.
When people in the organization didn’t take me seriously, I would tell my boss, and he would email the team saying that, on certain issues, everything I said aligned with him and that they should take it seriously. It empowered me.
These situations continued for at least six months.
I struggled, I did my best, but I also maintained open communication with my boss, who helped me overcome each challenge.
Then something amazing happened. A year later, I was accepted into my dream master’s program, so I told my boss I was leaving. I still thought I was a complete disaster. Problems were popping up everywhere.
From that moment on, my boss praised me a lot publicly. I had no idea he thought so highly of me.
Thanks to his praise, I realized that what seemed like chaos to me was part of the job and that I was managing it well compared to other people. But also, because I involved him in every important issue, I knew it wasn’t easy and that he was overcoming many challenges.
Then, over time, as I learned to manage a team, everything became much easier.
It’s normal to doubt yourself.
In short: anything new or challenging will feel overwhelming and uncomfortable at first. You may doubt yourself. You may feel like a mess. But that doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re going through a steep learning curve. You’re growing and developing rapidly.
Embrace that discomfort of growth.
And make sure you don’t hide or isolate yourself with your challenges. Use the resources, mentors, coaches, and colleagues around you to overcome those challenges, one at a time, even if those conversations are difficult.
Soon, what seems difficult today will feel like a piece of cake. You’ll maintain your salary, position, and impact. And most importantly, you’ll increase your inner confidence.
Summary: Feeling lost in a new job or project is natural and temporary. Don’t give up! To overcome it, seek support from someone who can help you. It could be your manager. That way, they’ll know exactly where you stand and can help you. Plus, your manager will see your commitment and growth and respect it. After a few months, you will overcome those challenges, regain your joy, and feel more confident.
The worst year of your career starts when you become the boss.
The following contribution comes from the Time website, which defines itself as follows: TIME is a global media brand with 100 years of unparalleled trust and authority, reaching an audience of more than 100 million people worldwide across our platforms. Founded in 1923, TIME began as the first weekly news magazine: a roundup of world events for busy people. Today, TIME includes a website; a magazine; a social media presence of more than 51 million; TIME Studios, an award-winning film and television division; live events; Red Border, an award-winning in-house branded content studio; TIME CO2, a climate action platform; TIME Stamped, an e-commerce and recommendations platform created in partnership with Taboola; and TIME Sites, a customer experience platform.
The author is Mitra Kalita, co-founder and CEO of URL Media, a media network for Black and Latino people that shares content, revenue, and distribution. She is also the editor of Epicenter-NYC, a community journalism initiative in Queens, and a columnist for TIME and Charter. A veteran journalist, Kalita recently worked at CNN and is the author of two books.
The worst year of my life was my first year as a manager.
It was like someone had turned on a fire hose, and I couldn’t see the end in sight. I brought stacks of notes, folders, and my laptop home every night and weekend.
The emails never stopped, so I developed the bad habit of being glued to my phone to stay calm. I saw sides of my colleagues that no one else saw: meticulous and disorganized, indecisive and impulsive. Some wrote to me about everything, from relationship problems to the 16 possible career paths. Others didn’t say a word. I was supervising people older than me, and they all seemed to be conspiring to bully me. One stormed off as we were rushing to meet an urgent deadline, saying she desperately needed a cigarette. I cried.
It’s been almost two decades since then, and neither hindsight nor nostalgia has changed my opinion of that first year in management.
It was truly awful. My reaction is, apparently, the same: a survey of first-time managers revealed that almost two-thirds felt insecure or anxious about their new role.
Knowing how to fit into the team. What might have helped? Perhaps a little honesty about how difficult the transition is, sure. But what I really wish I’d had was some idea of how I fit into the company, this team, and these lives. Too often, people are promoted to management positions, and we focus on their unique, upward trajectory: «Do this job for a year or two, and soon you’ll be running the department.» The first management position is presented as a necessary stepping stone to bigger things, and, frankly, many newcomers see it that way. What we don’t talk about enough is what it means to be in charge of other people and to play a role in their destiny. This is the hardest part of management, but also the most enduring and rewarding.
Some companies are now trying to go beyond the usual welcome for new managers, which used to be something like, «Congratulations on the promotion! Good luck!» Amazon recently launched Leadership Liftoff, created for the company’s area managers, who typically come straight on board after graduating. Groups of 50 to 250 managers participate in this seven-week course that covers the theoretical, situational, and practical aspects of management.
I asked Sandy Gordon, Amazon’s vice president of people, experience, and technology, what new managers need to know, and she didn’t hesitate to answer.
“I want you to know that we support you,” he said.
“Management can be lonely, and it’s good to have other managers experiencing it in real time with you and have that extra support when making decisions.”
Indeed, entering management is a major life transition, and it would be better if more of us honestly shared its challenges and rewards.
People’s Support
The ripple effect of someone supporting you (and telling you so) in an organization is very powerful. What Gordon describes—of an employer assuring new managers that they have support—ripples out to the new manager’s teams and colleagues. The scrutiny of our work, internal from colleagues, external from clients, can sometimes be unbearable, and knowing that a boss supports you helps create a culture of affirmation in the face of fear.
During that first challenging year, I clung to what my supervisor told me: “99% of the decisions you make will be the right ones.” This firm clarity allowed me to stay the course, learn to balance and prioritize my needs, the team’s needs, and the organization’s needs. As I channeled my efforts toward my direct reports and their improvement, and advocated for their work to be recognized and celebrated, I could palpably feel them relaxing and beginning to trust me more. Our team meetings turned into lively discussions, and I knew we had all passed the stage when I stopped fearing them and the awkward pauses turned into laughter. Another milestone came when more people joined my group, and the veterans offered to «translate» my style and tone for others.
Much of the magic of management lies in our ability to decipher each other.
Being present
«Do I have to talk to you every day?» This question haunts me as a time-poor CEO, even with years of management experience. I never feel I have enough time to talk to my direct reports between meetings with clients, funders, partners, and others.
So I asked Petrina Thompson, director of human resources and customer service at Brightside,
a financial assistance company with employee benefits. She said it wasn’t the best question.
Instead, the question should be, «How often do your direct reports need to talk to you?» she says, then explains the difference from the manager’s versus the subordinate’s perspective: «Everyone is different, and we all have different needs. Notice that I said ‘need’ and not ‘want,’ which complicates things.»
For example, if someone only wants to meet weekly but is working on a crucial project and struggling to fit meetings in, it’s time to increase the frequency. «Having the ability, as a leader, to assess what your people need from you based on their tasks and their lives outside of work,» Thompson says, «helps you get the most out of your team and allows them to get the most out of you.»
Others might need a weekly meeting to discuss general topics and can manage daily communications via email, text, or Slack.
Another leader I know employs the tactic of being a very hands-on manager for the first two or three weeks to establish workflow and rapport.
In a column I wrote about onboarding, Nettie Nitzberg, co-founder and chief learning officer of the consulting firm Saterman Connect, told me that a big mistake managers make is not being in daily contact with the new employee for the first two weeks, especially in remote or hybrid environments. “Being at home when starting a new job is lonely enough,” she said. “When your manager doesn’t care how you are or how you feel, you send the wrong message.”
Experience
There’s nothing like hands-on experience and making mistakes to understand the art and science of management. One interesting aspect of Amazon’s program is that it’s geared toward those who typically join the company directly from university. Isn’t work experience necessary to be a manager?
Both Gordon and Thompson changed my perspective on this. “We have a very complex selection process,” says Gordon, who seeks “leaders who can think about leadership in its most authentic form.”
“Different leadership roles also have different expectations. Taking a personal approach to understanding a potential leader’s skills and desires is key,” Thompson says. “And if you can give them some hands-on experience in aspects of the managerial role to help them grow before they become leaders, you’re better preparing them for success as emerging leaders.”
This commitment—to being a leader rather than a manager—seems crucial to success. It also corrects the bias that permeates decision-making about who’s in charge. The so-called “rating culture” views talent as a fixed trait rather than a developed one, and it’s applied unevenly: white men are hired for their potential, while women and people of color are given opportunities once they’ve demonstrated their mastery.
Become a student of leadership. Most of what you need to manage effectively won’t be in a book, manual, or podcast, but seek out those resources anyway. Thompson’s book recommendations: «The Soul Seat» by Gary Zukav, to help you get to know yourself better each day, and «The Art of Possibility» by Ben Zander, to help you see what’s possible within yourself and find it in others as well.
I recently stopped reading business and management books to dedicate more time to reading for pleasure, but I still find leadership lessons in almost everything I do: plays, events, literature, and even music. Listening to this podcast last night about a new album by a trio of South Asian artists inspired me to think about the vulnerability of improvisation, the power of collaboration, and the joy of community, for example.
Rookie mistakes happen. First-time managers are often driven by a desire to assert their newfound power. One of my biggest pet peeves is using the possessive «my» to refer to talent. As in: «My designer can take care of that» or «I’d like to introduce you to my account executive.» Another variation is introducing myself as everyone’s boss. “I’m Maria’s boss” sounds like a terribly insecure way to introduce yourself.
It doesn’t have to be. Humility and humanity trump the repetition of the organizational chart.
Another challenge is re-establishing personal and professional boundaries with colleagues. Over the years, I’ve developed signals to let my colleagues and friends know I’m firmly in the supervisor zone. Most are explicit, like, “I’m giving you some tough feedback…” or “I’m going into manager mode to make sure you understand what’s needed…” or “I’m not going to sugarcoat this difficult conversation…” But I confess, the first year was a disaster. I don’t know if a little more coaching would have fixed it; I learned a lot from those painful conversations. Go ahead, get them done. It gets easier.
If you think you might want to manage people someday, it helps to take on a managerial role with solid professional relationships already in place. Especially when your colleagues become your subordinates, “having strong working relationships built on trust and a proven track record of collectively achieving the ultimate goal is critical,” says Thompson. “While it might be awkward at first, you can move forward together with honest dialogue and action once they become part of your team.”
This requires care and effort. Something that surprises people, whether in a meeting or a roundtable discussion, is that I bring prepared notes. I used to hide them, but now I’m more upfront. Rehearse, write a script, jot down key points. There’s nothing wrong with preparing to be a manager.
Trust is a powerful motivator.
I’ve spent my career alternating between being an individual contributor and a team manager, and at this point, I’ve devoted most of my time to the latter. When preparing people to join these ranks, I focus on the skills and superpowers that make me think they’re a good fit for the role.
In reality, the reason to become a manager is because management is the ultimate expression of trust in others. This trust sometimes disappoints us, yes, but it also drives the progress of our teams, companies, and ourselves. If you don’t believe that those around you can grow and excel to meet challenges, your efforts will be in vain. You’ll essentially stagnate.
I often say that talent is rarely innate and that everything can be learned. Hearing this (soon, often, always) is truly liberating for your colleagues; how can we ask people to be confident without showing the same courtesy? The greatest gift of my time as a manager has been seeing the rise of those I once supervised, the creation of a diaspora of dozens who believe in possibilities. Their desire to reconnect humbles me and, most importantly, continues to teach me.
Management has been a way for me to prepare for the future because it’s a guaranteed way to continually learn from others, from industry trends to life lessons. And that’s how the people I always want to work with and learn from emerge.
«I Hate My Job»: How to Survive When You Can’t Leave Yet
The following contribution comes from the Careershifters website, which defines itself as follows: “Ninety percent of adults spend half their lives doing things they’d rather not be doing in places they’d rather not be. Think of the social, emotional, and perhaps even economic waste that this statistic represents.” – Barry Schwartz
We know what it’s like to feel disillusioned at work.
For months (and sometimes years), each of us on the Careershifters team felt stuck in a career that wasn’t right for us.
We longed for a one-stop shop online where we could meet others like us, be inspired by people who had made successful career changes, find practical information about changing careers, and stop feeling alone.
But nothing like it existed.
And that’s why we created Careershifters.
This article is by Natasha Stanley, lead coach, writer, and experience designer for Careershifters. In her free time, you’ll find her listening to neuroscience podcasts, learning pottery, and dreaming about her next adventure.
You feel miserable, uninspired, and frustrated. You know you need to make a change. But as much as you’d like to quit, you’re just not ready. How do you stay sane? Natasha shares nine ways to overcome career change limbo.
There were mornings when I had to force myself out of bed.
There were commutes where I took an extra lap around the roundabout, just to delay my arrival at the office by ten seconds.
Days spent staring at the clock, wondering how it was possible that only four minutes had passed since I last looked up.
Nights spent awake, racking my brain, desperately trying to find a way out.
I would endlessly plan and fantasize about the moment I would pack my things away at my desk and get up from that chair for the last time. But that moment was so far away.
I was trapped, inert, in a torturous state of suspension.
«I hate my job, but I can’t leave.»
Sound familiar?
What do you do if you’re not ready to make your change, but the daily grind is driving you crazy?
Here are some strategies from real-life career changers who survived (and in some cases even learned to enjoy) jobs they weren’t ready to leave.
- Share the Load
Two women balancing concrete blocks on their heads
If I asked you what you hate about your job, I bet you could rattle off a long list of things.
You feel undervalued.
You can’t stand your boss.
You’re not using your skills properly. You’re just a cog in a machine.
The office politics are killing you.
But beneath all those explicit things on your list, there’s something else.
You’re being a fake.
And you hate it. You get up every day and force yourself to go to work. You walk into the office and feel heavy and tired even before you sit down. You have to struggle to do anything. And on top of all that… you smile anyway, right?
You greet your colleagues cheerfully. When your boss asks who wants to take on that boring project you know will be a disaster before you even start, you raise your hand, right?
Your entire day is a series of little lies. And that’s not who you are.
But you started doing it little by little a long time ago: masking your imperfections. And as the cracks have grown, so has the time you spend hiding a smile over your disinterest and frustration. It’s been an insidious advance of inauthenticity, eating away at you from the inside.
This inauthenticity is the root of most people’s frustration with their jobs. It’s what turns «I don’t like my job» into «I can’t take this life anymore.»
You might not be able to be completely open about how you feel all the time, but you can probably share the burden with someone at work: a supportive colleague or a supportive boss.
Who could you share how you feel with? What would allow you to be authentic, find relief, and start creating solutions, even small ones?
«I had a group of people around me, and we used to complain about work all the time. It was part of everyday life.
Then I worked with a team leader. He was about my age, but higher up the company hierarchy. I decided to confide in him and told him how I felt. He said he felt the same way; that he completely understood how I felt.
«I didn’t expect that; it was very touching and reassuring, and it gave me the validation I needed to know that how I felt was okay.» – Richard (founder of Careershifters)
- Cut Your Hours
A Clock on a Table
One of the most important principles we teach at Careershifters is that new ideas and opportunities arise from new experiences.
» And when you work full-time, finding the time and mental space to live those new experiences is a real challenge.
So, while it might seem like a pipe dream, asking for reduced hours can be an incredibly effective way to access more time and energy without compromising your security.
This isn’t an option for everyone, but it’s worth considering. Many people are gloriously surprised by the freedom and support they can gain if they simply dare to ask.
You might be told no. It might be uncomfortable. You might worry about the consequences.
But you might have more options than you think, especially if you start with a small reduction in hours.
And the impact can be incredible:
«It mainly helped me unravel a lot of my work identity. My story when meeting people back then was, ‘I work a few days a week at a company, but what I’m trying to do is something more interesting.'»
«It’s helped me gain perspective and be less afraid, knowing that I would survive if I left my job, since I’m happy with much less money.» My physical and mental energy has definitely increased. I have more space to dedicate myself to other things and a feeling of having opened a door.
«It also meant that outside of office hours, I could connect with people who worked differently. For example, I started learning Spanish, and in the course there was a group of female entrepreneurs. Being stuck in the office all week, too tired at night or on weekends to do much more, meant that I didn’t even interact with anyone who wasn’t doing the same corporate work, without being exposed to new ideas.
«I reduced my hours gradually: half a day, then a full day; “I currently work about 20 hours a day and want to cut it down even more soon.” – Kirsty (Career Change Launch Pad participant)
- Step Back
Scenic View from an Airplane
You’ve been working on this spreadsheet (or sitting in this meeting, or trying to sell to a disastrous prospect) for ages, and you just don’t care anymore. The day-to-day reality of most jobs isn’t exactly inspiring or exciting. In fact, according to our audience research, 48% of career changers want to switch because they’re fed up with what they do on a daily basis. There will always be tasks and things to do that feel like hard work. Does it feel like hard work to you?
But there’s something bigger at stake, too. However monotonous your job may seem, your job serves something that matters. And connecting your immediate task to that bigger “something” can bring a little more motivation and enjoyment to what you do.
Find a way to connect with the «why» of your work.
Maybe talking on the phone with a disgruntled client isn’t your thing. But once you remember that you have the power to turn a bad day into a joyful one, it’s much easier to engage in the conversation.
Or maybe analyzing the numbers from the last big project you worked on seems like a nightmare. But when you think about the impact that information could have on the number of people you could help next time, it won’t seem so pointless.
Develop your own way of remembering your most important «why.»
I work for a well-known tire company. Manufacturing and selling tires isn’t a very inspiring or meaningful cause, and I talk a lot about how I want to find a career where my daily work has a real impact on people.
One day, I called a client who told me how much my work was helping them, and I realized that I can make a difference in the world, even if it’s just with the people I work with now.
I wrote the client’s name on a card and have it stuck to the corner of my computer screen. When I feel like things can’t get any less inspiring, it’s a great reminder that even boring, difficult things can be worthwhile. – Dean (Customer Service Manager)
- Choose Your Superpower
A woman approaching a large electronic screen
If you feel like your skills are underutilized and undervalued, or that your life has become a monotonous circus, it’s time to turn up the volume.
Pick something specific that interests you and take it on as a challenge. Perhaps the part of your job you enjoy is designing and preparing presentations for potential clients.
Focus on it. Read everything you can about public speaking and presentation techniques. Take a free online course in your spare time. Do whatever it takes to become truly good at the part of your job you enjoy most and incorporate it into your daily routine as much as possible.
Is there no clear need for a presentation at this team meeting? Ask your boss if you can do one anyway. Seek out potential clients and partners you wouldn’t normally introduce to, and introduce them.
It feels amazing to grow, develop, and become truly excellent at something, and people notice.
The better you get, the more likely you are to be asked to do more. And the more you do, the better you become.
Plus, when you’re finally ready to make the leap to a new career, you’ll have an added advantage in impressing potential employers, business partners, or clients.
«I reflected on what I was doing and realized there was a part of the job I really enjoyed: organizing and promoting events and doing the photography. So I started incorporating the parts I don’t particularly like (course marketing, administration, finance) and realized they didn’t take up as much time if I worked very quickly.
«That left me more time for other things, so I decided to update our photo library and have been able to organize new photo shoots.» I’ve also been more proactive about events, proposing new ones to organize with a colleague I’ve worked with before.
«No one seems to notice what I do, and that makes the workday less tedious.» – Miranda (Career Change Launch Pad participant)
- Start a Secret Side Project (at work)
Coffee mug with the phrase «What should I do today?»
What makes a workday enjoyable?
When you get home with a smile, what made you smile?
Discover what makes you different and turn it into a secret project to use every day.
Do you love making people happy? Challenge yourself to do three random acts of kindness every day.
Spend five minutes helping a colleague with a project when they seem stressed and make sure they laugh. Place a bouquet of flowers in the center of the meeting room table. Organize an impromptu dance in the kitchen.
Do you feel trapped behind your computer all the time and miss human connection?
Turn conversations into a game: How many new people can you meet at work today? Do you know the janitor by name? What does that woman across the office actually do?
It sounds crazy, but making an effort to be extra kind to my colleagues helped me a lot.
«Making someone a cup of tea, asking how their weekend was, helping someone with a problem, etc.: all of that helped me take my mind off my terrible job and my awful boss!» – Corinna (Career Launchpad participant)
- Start a secret side project (at home)
Just because you can’t quit your job right now doesn’t mean you can’t start working on your shift immediately.
And having a secret side project can do wonders for your mood and motivation.
Whether it’s something like our Career Launchpad, starting your own business, or simply learning a new skill, nothing feels quite as good as making progress on your shift.
Why?
When you feel trapped
Because half the despair of feeling stuck in a job you don’t enjoy comes from feeling trapped. You wouldn’t know where to go, even if you quit today. Or you have an idea. You know exactly what you’d like to do, but you lack the experience to be taken seriously.
By building experience, clarity, and an escape plan, you’re minimizing the risk of your situation. You won’t make the mistake of a reactive change. You won’t find yourself stuck in the same place a year from now.
And the confidence and energy this can give you are invaluable in your daily life.
Even if it’s just one hour a week, choose something to work on and make it your secret project. “I decided to give myself six months to learn to code. It wasn’t my dream job, but I knew it was a useful skill and something that could give me a lot of freedom to travel and work my way while I figured out my next steps. I signed up for two courses: one online and one in person at a local adult learning center. It was so much fun. During quiet moments at work or boring meetings, instead of dwelling on how terrible my job was, I’d plan my next website or mentally solve a coding problem.
“Having something different and enjoyable to focus on made all the difference.” – Erica (Operations Manager, NHS)
- Change Your Focus
“What you focus on grows.” It sounds like unrealistic neo-age propaganda, but it’s worth paying attention to if you can’t seem to shake the feeling that everything is doomed and there’s no way out.
The thing is, the more convinced you are that your situation is terrible, the more evidence you’ll find to back it up.
«See? She’s making another cup of coffee. Clearly everyone here is as disillusioned as I am, and she can’t be productive because she’s always by the kettle. Ugh, I hate my job.»
«See? They’re making me do all the labels for the event. Underappreciated work. They don’t value my skills. Ugh, I hate my job.»
Your life becomes a daily exercise in proving yourself right.
And that’s what your head starts to sound like, all the time: self-righteous and treated unfairly, not because you’re that kind of person, but because of where you’re focusing your attention. It’s even worse if you let those things come out of your mouth.
What you focus on grows.
Maybe that coworker of yours is avoiding work by making 14 cups of coffee a day. They’re procrastinating and hiding, and they might be just the person you can share your feelings with, because you know they’ll understand.
Maybe you have to print and cut out 300 name tags this afternoon, and you can even do it with a colleague you don’t know that well. It’s a boring task that doesn’t allow you to use your best skills, and it’s a great opportunity to meet someone new and give your giant brain a break.
As optimistic as that sounds, nothing is doomed to fail or fundamentally awful. There’s something to celebrate in everything, if you look closely.
«For me, it’s about focusing on the positive and being as grateful as possible.
«Is your job close to home, and therefore your commute is short? Be grateful! Do you work for a reputable company that would look good on a CV regardless of your personal experiences there? Be grateful! Do you love your coworkers but hate your boss? Be grateful; after all, you could be in a situation where you hate them all!» Ha!
«I know it sounds cliché, but if you’re truly ‘stuck’ there, you have to find a way to make the most of it. And personally, I don’t know a better way to do that than by focusing on the positive and what you can control.» – Cathy (Program Manager)
- Take the Initiative
A Leader at Sunset
One of the uncomfortable truths no one likes to hear is also one of the most empowering things you can consider: no one owes you anything.
No one is here to argue that it isn’t wonderful when your boss has your back and your team works like a well-oiled machine, and there’s always paper in the printer.
But it’s not your boss’s job to make your life work. And if the IT guy is always late, there’s probably a reason.
Waiting for someone else to fix things (while you feel miserable because your life isn’t the way you want it to be) isn’t a good strategy.
What could you do to improve your work? How could you lead the change toward a more pleasant work environment, a more efficient email system, or a flexible work policy?
If you’re feeling dissatisfied and discontent with your career, finding the motivation to take charge probably doesn’t seem like the most obvious or appealing thing to do.
But if you care, it’s up to you to change it.
And if you care, chances are other people care too.
Think of something that could have the biggest positive impact on your workday and tell your boss you’d like to work on improving it.
It could be as simple as finding a way to share all the positive feedback you receive from clients with the entire team as soon as you get it.
It could mean finally working up the courage to negotiate a day of remote work, on a trial basis.
Or it could be something bigger and more complex: something that requires restructuring your day to implement.
Whatever it is, take ownership. Find the people you need on your team. Take the reins.
«In my business development role, I was tired of chasing corporate accounts and doing things that didn’t fulfill me.
However, by taking a step back, I thought about what was missing from my role and what I’d like to do more of, and considered ways to incorporate it into my work.» I wanted to connect with people whose work interested me and for my work to have a greater social impact. So I started connecting with local non-profit organizations and community groups, looking for ways to collaborate with them to offer services that would help a different set of clients.
Not only did I start enjoying my work much more, but it also provided me with the experience I wanted to include on my CV. This was a game-changer when it came to looking for my next job, as it gave me clarity on what I really wanted and experiences I could passionately discuss with potential employers. – Matt (Career Change Launch Pad participant)
- Fill Up Your Tank
A Gas Pump
Working in a job you’re not passionate about is draining. It takes energy to get to work in the morning, to stay motivated throughout the day, to put in those extra hours on the task you’ve been dreading for weeks. And when you get home exhausted and drained at the end of the day, the idea of doing anything else can seem impossible.
But with all that energy going out every day, it’s vital to find ways to replenish it. We all have something that fills our tank.
It might be exercise, art, or spending time with friends. It might be getting out into nature regularly. There’s something out there that leaves you energized and refreshed, every time.
And even if the idea of making time for it… If you feel impossible and exhausted, that «something» can be your lifeline.
Burnout and frustration are signs that you’re malnourished, physically and emotionally. And you need to feel well-nourished to get through this in-between stage of a career change.
Save time for yourself. Cherish it with all your might. Do whatever you need to recharge.
Monday and Thursday afternoons are me time.
My husband takes the kids, and I go for a run in the park with a friend or lock myself away for an afternoon with my yoga and books. I used to feel like I couldn’t find the time or energy to do anything outside of work, but since I started doing this, everything is easier.
“I have some quiet time with myself to reflect and think a little, and it’s easier to get through the week knowing I have a treat on the way.” – Diane (civil servant)
A little goes a long way.
Not all of these strategies will be right for you (or even appealing to you). And it’s highly unlikely you’ll be able to implement them all.
But pick one or two to experiment with over the next month. Experiment. Immerse yourself in the process of exploring: What relieves stress and boredom? Is it possible that you can not only survive but thrive at work during this in-between stage of career change?
You matter. Your well-being matters. Your ability to feel strong and grounded and look ahead as you move toward fulfilling work is important.
Which of these strategies could you start using this week? Let me know in the comments!
Do you feel like you’re not doing enough «real» work?
The following contribution comes from Tony Collins’ website, where he describes himself as follows: As a tech lover, introvert, tech executive, and entrepreneur, I understand how difficult it is to thrive in the industry. I’ve worked with over 1,000 women on their careers, building confidence, leadership skills, public speaking abilities, and strategies for successful academic and entrepreneurial careers. I’ve worked at startups and built a charity with an international audience in over 60 countries. And now I want to share with you how I did it. I’m passionate about helping you thrive in your tech career and making the tech community an inclusive and positive place to thrive.
Author: Tony Collins
«I didn’t do any real work today!» Sound familiar? A day of 5 meetings, then just a few hours catching up on emails and some administrative tasks, and the day is over.
At the end of the week, it feels like each day has flown by and you haven’t touched a single line of technical work. You’ve become a hindrance to your team, and you know you’re not doing the technical work you promised. Worse still, if you admit you don’t have time for the technical side and start delegating, you feel inadequate and like you’re not contributing anything meaningful. You’ve become that manager. Sound familiar?
I’ve seen this situation time and time again. I experienced it firsthand early in my career when I picked up the pace and left behind the «real work» of programming and development. Another manager even told me I didn’t seem «technical» enough and that I wouldn’t get promoted. And I’ve seen it time and time again in every industry, not just with tech clients, but also with friends and family. It seems to be the curse of the ambitious woman (spoiler alert: it’s not women who think this way!). As we move up the ladder to managing deliverables, results, and people, it’s easy to feel like we’re only doing that part of management. And it doesn’t seem like enough. Our education system fosters this: we go to school to learn «hard» skills, from programming to physics, and «soft» skills (what I like to call real skills) are considered just that: soft, unimportant, and somehow without merit or value.
This feeling is further exacerbated by the sheer number of bad managers—managers who don’t seem to contribute anything useful and who seem to simply be wasting everyone’s time.
What’s more, these managers worry about appearing useless or not technically helpful (because that’s what they also knew early in their careers), so they try to cling to some technical job they don’t have time for. And even worse: there are the managers who spend all their time desperately trying to hold onto something technical, while managing, until they become obsolete and lose credibility.
Sound familiar? The problem is that as we climb the ladder, so do our responsibilities.
The first-class degree that gave us the dexterity and technical skills to land that amazing first job is what we call our barometer for measuring success and talent. I used to be one of them: I felt that not coding meant I wasn’t accomplishing anything.
Every leader I work with has struggled at some point with the idea of »not accomplishing anything,» because they measure their achievements by their ability to spend time coding, developing, and researching—things they shouldn’t be doing anymore.
This mindset not only disappoints us and makes us feel terrible, but it’s also awful for those around us.
First, this feeling greatly amplifies any imposter syndrome we might experience. That «you don’t seem technical enough» comment held me back for a year!
I struggled to find the time and energy to continue being the great team leader I was at the time, which was yielding huge rewards for the project I was managing, and to find something technically «meaningful» instead of just stepping in to help others with their problems. I survived the year, but honestly, I could have progressed much faster if I had realized I didn’t need to worry about that «technical» image.
My worth was proven by my ability to lead my team and their amazing results. Furthermore, when I relented (because that’s what actually happened) and focused solely on leading, I dedicated my limited «technical» time to staying current with the broader areas that impacted everyone on my team, so I could provide appropriate support. I needed to be able to solve their problems, not do their work for them.
As leaders, we don’t have the time, nor should we, to work on these things. By doing that work, you undervalue the work your team contributes. It’s easy to become so overwhelmed, but clinging to the work you want to do hinders progress, delays deliverables, and subconsciously tells your team you don’t trust them. You fail to help them grow and inevitably neglect other responsibilities that are now your real job. You also prevent them from growing as individuals, as you focus everything on how you would do something. The hallmark of a great leader is creating greatness around them, not suppressing it or creating a multitude of clones.
We need to be comfortable with our team knowing more than we do about something; that’s their job.
We need to be comfortable with the fact that management overload is real and requires significant time and effort.
We need to be comfortable enjoying what we do well.
The world desperately needs great managers, so if you have a talent for management and leadership, don’t worry about clinging to the job you did fresh out of college. That desperate clinging to something more to make yourself «worthy» will never serve you. Instead, accept the fact that you can be the leader of a great team that can produce great results. That’s where your true value lies.
Likewise, if you don’t enjoy management, be honest with yourself! Unfortunately, the world today is set up to promote top technical experts to managers. And yet, the skills are completely different. But before you leave management, make sure you don’t feel you don’t enjoy management because you’re clinging to that need to stay «technical» due to social pressure, which results in overload and underperformance.
Finally, remember that to avoid being the manager who is perceived as an obstacle and uninformed rather than a great leader, you need to do the following:
Stop hindering your team’s progress by clinging to work you don’t have time for.
Stop being an obstacle to action by insisting that all technical work must go through you, unless that’s your primary role. Stop feeling the need to contribute «technical» expertise if it’s not your area of real knowledge. It doesn’t make you seem intelligent or relevant, but rather uninformed and outdated.
Focus on ensuring you have the high-level technical knowledge and the big picture that those handling the day-to-day tasks don’t necessarily possess. That’s where your true value lies. Try to turn your team into superstars: feel comfortable surrounding yourself with people who are better than you at something. If you feel threatened by this, you haven’t recognized your own worth. Remember, your job is to enable your team to do the best work possible.
Strive to communicate your contributions to your team. The strategic overview that shows everyone’s input should be shared with them so they know why you’re relevant and important to the team’s functioning. Don’t be that manager who always seems busy but doesn’t seem to produce much. Your team deserves to know the big picture and what you’re doing to ensure everyone succeeds. Giving them a comprehensive view will also help them stay motivated and focused.
Do you feel an underlying unease about your role as a manager?
Are you always busy, but never feel like you’ve «done a day»?
How do you measure your success? Do you measure your team’s success rather than your individual contributions?
I’d love to hear how you’re feeling and whether you’re working at the right level.