Why You Should Never Compromise Your Values to Achieve Success
The following post is from the Medium portal and is written by Neel Raman, who has written the bestselling book «How to Build High-Performance Teams.»
What Not Being True to Yourself Will Cost You
If you want to be true to yourself, never compromise your values to achieve success or anything that isn’t aligned with what’s true for you.
You and I make many decisions every day that affect our experiences and achievements. Some decisions have little or no impact on the direction of our lives.
However, certain decisions can have long-term effects if we compromise what we value for short-term gain.
What does it mean to never compromise your values?
Never compromising your values means:
– Maintaining your integrity at all times, regardless of the consequences.
– You respect yourself as much as you respect those important to you.
– You speak your truth, even if it affects your relationships.
– You have principles that guide your life.
– You don’t let material success cloud your judgment or make bad decisions.
Among the things people value and don’t compromise are:
– Family and important relationships.
– Integrity.
– Self-esteem and respect for others.
– Accepting and following the truth.
– Doing the right thing, even if it’s difficult.
To avoid compromising your values, you first need to know what they are. A lack of clarity and awareness often leads people to make bad decisions.
Why You Should Never Compromise Your Values
Those with a high level of self-awareness will know when they’ve compromised their values. To stay true to themselves, they take responsibility for their decisions and correct them as soon as possible.
5 Reasons You Should Never Give Up on Your Values for Success
Here are five reasons to never give up on your values, so you can be true to yourself and feel good about the choices you make.
You Will Lose Trust in Yourself and Others
Once you do something that goes against your values, you compromise your integrity. You have evidence that you cannot trust yourself to do the right thing, even if it is difficult. That means your level of self-confidence will decrease. If you cannot trust yourself, others will not trust you either.
Your Word Will Mean Nothing
In the book «The Four Agreements,» by Don Miguel Ruiz, one of the agreements is: «Be impeccable with your word.» If you don’t keep your word, you will accomplish nothing. If you say you will do something and don’t follow through, your word will have no value or significance to you or others.
You Will Feel Mentally and Emotionally Exhausted
Doing things that are not aligned with your highest good is often exhausting and draining. This will cause stress, which will affect your mental and emotional health.
You Will Lower Your Standards
If you accept that you have done something wrong and then do it again, it means you expect little of yourself. This means you’ll lower your standards because doing the right thing will be based on what’s happening to you at the moment.
You won’t leave a lasting impression or a legacy worth remembering.
You won’t be a person who makes a notable impact if you don’t uphold your values. Before making an important decision, always ask yourself, «How will this decision affect the rest of my life?»
Final Thoughts
Your values are tested when things get difficult or when there’s the possibility of new success. The level of certainty you have about your values will determine how you respond.
If you compromise your values for success or when things get difficult, then they aren’t your values. You’re lying to yourself by saying they are.
If you get disappointed and violate your values, recommit to doing the right thing.
Action Step: The next time you have to evaluate an opportunity or make an important decision, remind yourself of your values and why they’re important to you.
Ask yourself: «What is my truth, and how will my decision affect me and those important to me in my life?»
Question: What other reasons are there for not sacrificing your values for the sake of success?
No-Nonsense Leadership
The following contribution is from the Your CEO Mentor portal, which defines itself as follows: This raises some fundamental questions:
How do people without strong mentors deal with these debilitating problems at work? (Answer: It’s difficult!)
How large is the negative impact of poor leadership on organizations? (Answer: Incalculable)
How are people with great potential supposed to become exceptional leaders if their leaders don’t model the right behaviors and competencies? (Answer: A lot of trial and error)
What practical resources exist to teach leaders to be exceptional, achieve outstanding results, and be truly satisfied with who they are? (Answer: Very few)
One of the tensions you will feel as a leader is the constant balancing of noble aspirations and practical results.
When facing any ethical dilemma, it is important to keep your feet firmly planted, which requires a deep understanding of the forces that drive corporate decisions.
Ensuring Your Perspective
This episode is about maintaining your perspective: ensuring you behave in a way that is consistent with your values, even if you are asked to do things that challenge your personal belief system.
To help you navigate the minefield of corporate imperatives, I present five mental frameworks that will enable you to act with confidence while maintaining strong ethics.
Developing and Improving Skills
As a leader, it is essential to constantly develop and improve your leadership skills to stay ahead of the curve.
Dilemmas of Ethical Leadership: Maintaining Integrity Under Pressure
ASPIRATION vs. REALITY
One of the tensions you will feel as a leader is the constant balancing of noble aspirations and practical results.
Along your journey to the top of the corporate hierarchy, you will undoubtedly be asked to do many things, some of which will challenge your ethical and moral boundaries.
When faced with any kind of ethical dilemma, it’s important to keep your feet on the ground, and one way to do this is by gaining a deep understanding of the factors that drive corporate decisions.
If you achieve this, you’re much more likely to reach the end of your career with your integrity and self-esteem intact… but if you get used to compromising your principles and values just to protect your position in the company, you’ll find it increasingly difficult to look yourself in the mirror.
This newsletter is about how to maintain perspective and ensure you’re consistent with your values, even if you have to do some pretty difficult things.
I analyze an article on the morality of firings from Harvard Business School’s Working Knowledge series. I highlight some of the inconsistencies between how people say they behave and how they actually behave.
I also briefly analyze the ins and outs of firings and present five mental frameworks that will take you beyond convenient rationalization, keeping you firmly grounded in your own ethics.
HBS RESEARCH ON CORPORATE ACTIONS
At some point in your leadership career, you’ll likely have to implement restructuring, cost-cutting, and layoffs.
While preparing this episode, I came across an article from Harvard Business School’s Working Knowledge series on the morality of layoffs. The article, «How Investors Feel About Corporate Actions and Their Causes,» is a summary of research by HBS professor Elisabeth Kempf, titled «Corporate Actions as Moral Issues.»
It was quite an interesting article, as the author presented it as definitive findings on how investors view corporate decisions. According to the article, investors believe companies shouldn’t lay off employees to increase profits.
You probably know me well enough to know that I don’t take these things at face value, and my immediate reaction was, «Hmm, that doesn’t sound right. I wonder who was in the sample?»
It turns out the sample size was 2,047 people, which can be statistically significant, so no problem… and the group was controlled for several factors:
Gender (50% women, 50% men);
Political affiliation (31% Democrats, 26% Republicans—a little less—, 43% independents); and
Investors (60% of respondents owned stock, 40% did not).
The group was composed of both investors and non-investors, but what it tells us is that at least 40% of respondents answered hypothetical questions in which they had no stake. And, for the rest, owning stock may not have been a priority when they were asked questions that spoke directly to their moral purity. In my opinion, this has about as much validity as the political opinions my Uber driver was kind enough to share with me last night.
The big problem with the results is that they don’t pass the test of reasonableness, at least for me. They simply don’t fit with everything I’ve seen, heard, read, and learned over the past 40 years.
I’m sure there are plenty of people in the general population who think layoffs are immoral, probably because they’ve been fired in the past or because they see the risk of being fired in the future; but those people don’t influence the behavior of a management team. The focus on shareholder value is driven by large institutional investors, private equity firms, and buy-side stock analysts.
The predictable conclusion the survey draws from this sample of investors is that they prefer decisions that favor people over those that favor investors.
Well, it’s not particularly earth-shattering. But it’s hard to know what they would choose if faced with a real-life dilemma: if they had to choose between having less money or saving a group of strangers from being laid off.
You’d have to see their decision in the moment to know what they would actually do.
To summarize the research findings, respondents were asked to rank 10 corporate actions based on their moral concerns. The 10 measures were:
– Cost cutting;
– Stock buybacks;
– Layoffs;
– Outsourcing;
– CEO pay raises;
– Tax avoidance;
– Use of fossil fuels;
– Reduction in diversity;
– Leverage; and
– CEO duality (being both CEO and chairman at the same time).
Over 85% of respondents said companies should not lay off employees. CEO pay increases came in second.
Interestingly, respondents seem much more comfortable with trivialities such as cost-cutting, stock buybacks, and tax avoidance.
What does this tell us about the sample population? In my opinion, a couple of things:
– People are still very interested in things they think might directly affect them, like layoffs
– They struggle to get the right answers on key, directly related issues, like CEO compensation and stock buybacks… or outsourcing and layoffs!
Overall, it seems like the right questions have been asked of the wrong people. If the same questions were asked of the people CEOs and boards pay attention to (like institutional investors), I suspect you’d get very different results.
That’s why I think the findings are interesting, but irrelevant.
LESSONS FROM ESG INVESTING
Why do companies largely ignore grassroots investors? Because they instinctively know they’re not the key stakeholders affecting their future.
There are many examples that reinforce the fact that, although people may have moral aspirations, in practice, they will predictably do what is in their own best interests.
Let me illustrate this principle with a data-rich example: energy companies constantly survey their customers on all sorts of issues. Imagine the amount of data that has been collected in the last decade or so on people’s green energy preferences.
In Australia, the vast majority of people would prefer their electricity to come from renewable sources. But guess what? Very few people are willing to pay more for it. It’s easy to say you want to reduce your carbon footprint, but will you actually do it with your words?
The influence of the fundamentals of behavioral economics is reflected in broader trends in the Environmental/Social/Governance movement, or ESG, as it is commonly known.
Historically, ESG has been associated with green investing. The theory was that ESG-focused funds would provide capital investment only to companies operating under strong ethical frameworks.
They focused specifically on companies seeking investment in green energy projects.
The expectation was that as more investors joined the ESG trend, there would be a natural decline in the availability of financing for fossil fuel projects in oil, gas, and coal. These companies would then have a harder time obtaining financing, and even if they could, the cost of funds would be higher.
But what ESG funds might have classified as «unethical investments» is actually crucial to a prosperous modern society. Demand for these commodities continues to grow unabated, especially in developing countries.
I dove into the topic and read several articles in the Financial Times and the Wall Street Journal to try to understand the current state of ESG investing, and even I was surprised by what I found.
Institutional investors who were firmly committed just a couple of years ago are moving away from green investing. According to Bloomberg, ESG funds have fallen dramatically:
In 2024, only 100 ESG funds were launched globally: this represented a 90% reduction from the nearly 1,000 funds launched in 2022;
Major global banks increased their funding of fossil fuels by 23% in 2024, reaching a total of $869 billion;
BlackRock, JP Morgan, and State Street have left the climate coalitions they previously participated in; and
BlackRock’s support for corporate climate risk resolutions fell from 72% in 2021 to 15% in 2022.
Why?
Because ESG funds significantly underperformed traditional funds between 2022 and 2024.
They remained short the fossil fuel stocks that fueled market growth.
This isn’t rocket science; some might call it «Supply and Demand 101.» It has also been amplified by the political and regulatory backlash, primarily in the US, but also in a Europe previously committed to the environment.
It’s just more evidence supporting what we already know: companies act in accordance with their fiduciary obligations. There is constant pressure on CEOs to pursue higher returns for their investors rather than make concessions on ESG.
And something I discovered in my travels that surprised me: both retail and young investors show a complete disinterest in pursuing ESG at the expense of financial returns.
Surveys like the one in the Harvard Business School article tell us how people feel… They tell us how they would like people to behave… but that’s not how it happens in the real world.
I’m a simple person, and at the risk of sounding a bit cynical, I’d like to establish a general rule that I see reflected, time and again, in the billions of words that have been written trying to explain this human behavior:
«I care a lot… but only if someone else pays the bill.»
ARE FIRINGS REALLY UNETHICAL?
I can already hear you thinking, «Okay, Marty, this is fun and interesting, but what does it have to do with my leadership?»
Well, the lesson here is not to get too attached to the aspirational vision of leadership presented on mainstream channels.
Articles, books, and research abound showing you what that world you aspire to should look like, but you find yourself in the unenviable position of having to deal with the harsh reality of leading people in complex environments… and eventually, economics will take over, no matter how much we’d like the world to work differently.
Kirby Smart, head coach of the Georgia Bulldogs football program, said (and I paraphrase), «One of the biggest costs of leadership is that you will have to make difficult decisions that negatively affect the people you care about.»
Of all the things you’ll be asked to do, firings are probably the hardest:
– People lose their jobs, often through no fault of their own; – they lose their source of income;
– their identity suffers a severe blow;
– their self-esteem is diminished; and
– the uncertainty of the future generates stress and anxiety.
Knowing all this, how can you successfully execute management’s intentions (which is what they are truly paid to do) while keeping your ethics and values intact?
Like many aspects of leadership, it’s about how you frame it in your mind.
For example, when you’re hesitating whether or not to have a difficult conversation with someone on your team, framing it is critical.
If you frame the situation through the perspective of the discomfort and risk it poses to you personally, you’ll likely find plenty of justifications for not having that conversation.
But if you frame it through the perspective of the obligation you have to the other person—to give them the opportunity to learn, thrive, and grow—you won’t hesitate to engage in that conversation.
How would you frame a situation where you had to lay off someone on your team?
Most of the time, it’s about the greater good.
Most companies don’t make these decisions lightly. If they’re struggling to deliver comparable performance to their competitors, they need to find ways to stay competitive, especially publicly traded companies, whose investors can easily abandon them in favor of one they believe offers better long-term returns.
Layoffs are an unfortunate but essential tool in business management.
Sometimes, the only way to save the whole and keep it in the zone of profitable growth is to make tough decisions that affect a smaller percentage of the workforce.
Therefore, it’s necessary to view layoffs as a necessary intervention to ensure the continued prosperity of the vast majority of those who remain.
Don’t get me wrong, we see a lot of bad behavior here. Tech companies, in particular, spent a fortune on talent acquisition over the past 5 to 10 years because they had excessive free cash flow.
I imagine these companies weren’t particularly well managed, but the market hype and intrinsic greed made it seem normal.
But as soon as the situation became severe, the tech giants implemented massive layoffs, seemingly with very little impact on their productivity and performance. However, these situations are exceptional.
I’ll cover a personal example shortly, but you can see how to apply an ethical and moral framework to layoffs.
You try to achieve the greatest good for the greatest number of people. It’s a utilitarian philosophy that has existed for centuries. It’s not perfect, but it’s the most practical framework in a sea of aspirational theories.
5 FRAMEWORKS TO HELP YOU EXECUTE CORPORATE ACTIONS ETHICALLY
Maintaining your integrity and good mental health requires a pragmatic mindset and a fundamental belief in some inalienable truths of life.
Here’s my checklist of five frameworks, which you can apply to any corporate action that might present you with an ethical or moral dilemma:
– Have the courage to stand up for what’s right. One of the most important aspects of maintaining personal integrity is to speak out against anything that goes against your values, including anything you consider unethical or immoral, or that in any way threatens the company’s interests.
It’s not easy, as it often pits you against powerful people. But I’ve never regretted guiding my corporate career by this rule. The head of HR at a company I worked for once labeled me as someone with «behavioral problems» because I wouldn’t just accept things I didn’t consider right.
This can be costly, believe me! But it was probably also the key to looking at myself in the mirror every day.
You can’t change everything, but you can choose to fight the battles you think will make a difference.
– Take self-interest out of the equation.
This is actually an extension of the first point. Deep down, we all know whether we’re acting in the best interest of the company or simply in our own.
You’ll always feel better if you choose to do what’s right for the company and the team… and your people see that. Even under the pressure of difficult decisions, they’ll respect that you’re doing what’s best for the business and not just what’s best for you.
It’s also their path.
– Everything happens for a reason. I learned this crucial lesson over many years, and now I apply it to others.
– We all have our own path, and there’s a reason we face difficult circumstances we’re forced to confront. You have to believe that their path, whatever it may be, is helping them become who they’re destined to be.
The hardest things I’ve had to live through are the exact same ones I look back on fondly and say, «Without that adversity, I wouldn’t be who I am today.»
– We all have initiative: we have choices, and the decisions we make shape our path. The decisions we make will ultimately lead us to where we are.
As a leader, you must be aware that your involvement in this process is extremely brief.
You must trust that people do what they decide in each moment.
Their future is determined by the cumulative impact of their decisions, big and small.
In reality, you have far less impact on them than you might imagine.
I can’t change the outcome, I can only change how it’s done.
I learned this many years ago when I had to carry out my first large-scale restructuring and layoff process. I had no choice. The company I worked for was on the losing end of a semi-hostile takeover.
I had no control over the extent of the cuts, but I fought with all my might to ensure the incoming company got the best outcome.
In fact, I went to extraordinary lengths to explain to the new management who the most valuable team members were, so they wouldn’t throw the baby out with the bathwater. I worked for months behind the scenes to make sure they understood who the best employees were and didn’t discard them.
I couldn’t change the fact that we had to meet the headcount reduction targets, but I could change how it was done.
Instead of leaving the layoff conversations to a stranger in HR on the other side of the world, I insisted on conducting them myself.
I spoke to each person to tell them whether they had a job or not… and you know what?
I learned something very interesting. You can never predict how people will react.
Many of those laid off were understandably devastated. But for every one of them, another was elated to receive a huge severance package just for leaving the company.
Many of those who stayed were quite happy to continue working. But almost as many of those who stayed were angry, because they would have preferred a large financial windfall, knowing they could find another job tomorrow.
Stay optimistic, no matter what.
You have to believe that your people are better off simply because you’re there and that you’ve made the decision to lead with integrity.
It’s funny, I used to get a call every Christmas from a man I fired many years ago. He was a wonderful person, but he just wasn’t cut out for the position he was in.
He called me every year, without fail, to thank me for firing him. He said, «If you hadn’t fired me, I would never have decided to go into the business I started.» Now I’m happier than ever because I’m doing what I’m passionate about.»
Things like this instill in me boundless confidence in the optimism I feel for the future of others.
LOOKING IN THE MIRROR
If you choose to be a leader, you’ll often find yourself facing a gap between the aspirational virtues you’re told to pursue and the practical actions you’re compelled to take.
I hope these five frameworks will help you narrow that gap a bit.
If you lead with a little altruism and a lot of conviction, you’ll discover there’s always an ethical path forward.
Leading with integrity won’t protect you from distressing challenges, but it will virtually guarantee that you can look in the mirror every day with a deep sense of satisfaction.
How do you balance your personal values with the expectations of others?
The following contribution is from the Open Up portal, which defines itself as follows: We believe in a world where mental well-being is accessible to everyone. Easy, affordable, and straightforward.
The author is Lisanne Buisman
Lisanne Buisman has contributed to OpenUp’s mission by writing articles that translate complex psychological concepts into accessible content. Her articles often focus on practical tips and strategies for improving mental health in both personal and professional settings.
She collaborates with psychologists and wellness experts to create evidence-based articles that support individuals and organizations in fostering mental well-being.
Values play a critical role in helping you be your authentic self. They indicate what you consider important in life, helping you define your direction and make choices in the hustle and bustle of the «here and now,» which can ultimately help you achieve happiness and fulfillment.
But while our values are entirely personal, we are also social beings. Family, friends, colleagues, and even acquaintances have a huge influence on us.
– What happens when our personal values contradict those of those around us?
– How do you maintain balance in a way that keeps you true to yourself, but also connected to those around you?
In this article, we explore practical steps for dealing with the expectations of others.
Contents
The Value of Living by Your Values
Meeting Others’ Expectations
The Difference Between Values and Goals
Recognize That You Can Change Course
Practical Steps to Help You Live More According to Your Values
Keep Practicing and Celebrate Your Progress
The Value of Living by Your Values
Your values give you a unique perspective on what’s important in life. Think of them as your inner compass: they help you set your course and make decisions that are right for you. In short, values help you live a life where you can be yourself.
Living according to your values has two main benefits:
(1) it gives you a sense of fulfillment, meaning, and happiness in life,
and (2) it helps you feel less defeated by challenges, adversity, or difficult situations.
On the contrary, research shows that not living according to your values can lead to internal conflict and contribute to stress, tension, burnout, and even a higher risk of depression.
According to Psychology Today, other benefits of living by your values include:
✅ You make better decisions and experience improved problem-solving: A study in which participants wrote down their values before making a decision under stress showed that their problem-solving skills and creativity increased.
✅ With each decision you make that aligns with your values, you develop more confidence and self-esteem.
✅ You are not easily shaken and respond with greater resilience to challenges, unexpected turns, disappointment, and failure.
✅ You experience greater willpower and intrinsic motivation to achieve your goals because they are closely aligned with your values.
✅ You are less sensitive to external influences and the opinions of others because you have a clear focus on the direction you want to take.
Want to discover your values? 🧭 🗺️ Read more here: How to live by your values (and learn more about yourself in the process)
Meeting Others’ Expectations
Factors such as your personality, your upbringing, and the culture in which you grew up influence and shape your values.
Therein lies the conflict we often experience: we are sensitive to the people around us. On the one hand, our decisions in life are guided by our values; on the other, we are influenced by the expectations of those around us. And those expectations may not necessarily coincide with our own.
Not surprisingly, we want to adhere to our own values, but also to social norms. As psychologist Paul Hessels says, «Humans are social beings. One of our basic needs is to belong: by not being left out of the group, we increase our chances of survival.» And some people are more sensitive to external expectations than others.
Adapting your decisions to the norms and expectations of those around you is known as conformity.
Paul explains: “This doesn’t have to be the overt influence of others—someone telling you, ‘You should do this or that,’ but can also manifest as a more subtle, subconscious influence on your beliefs and decisions. For example, you see many colleagues and friends working full-time for the same boss or looking to buy a house, and you adopt this as a life goal, whereas your own values may be based more on flexibility, adventure, and independence.”
The Difference Between Values and Goals
Do you ever feel like you’re only concerned with achieving milestones in life? Societal expectations often consist of goals rather than values—for example, finding a well-paying job, owning a nice house, looking good, and being in a happy relationship.
Goals refer to what you want to achieve in the future—the outcome. And they depend not only on yourself but also on your circumstances, opportunities, and others.
On the contrary, values reside within you and exist in the here and now: they are the foundation of your behavior and decisions.
“Many people learn from their upbringing and environment that a happy life consists of achieving a series of fixed goals. Only, a long-term sense of fulfillment isn’t achieved by achieving goals, but by acting on your values over and over again,” says Paul.
“That doesn’t mean you should stop setting goals. Goals are motivating and can be very satisfying if you achieve them. But once you choose goals that align with your values, you’ll find that, in addition to the destination, you’ll also enjoy the journey there more.”
🎥 Want to see the difference between being goal-oriented and values-oriented in action? Watch this YouTube video: Values vs. Goals
Remember that you can change course
Adapting to your environment can positively connect you with your peers and help you feel accepted and protected.
However, ask yourself if the decisions you make are in your best interest, rather than conforming to the wishes of others.
Conforming can create internal conflict if you allow others’ expectations to determine your life choices, especially if your personal values are far from the expectations of those around you.
As Paul says, «You may then feel like you’re living someone else’s life, as if you’re living passively rather than actively. You lack fulfillment and a sense of control.»
Are you more concerned with reaching your final destination than enjoying the journey? Or do you feel like those around you don’t understand you?
Then it’s time to take a hard look at your values! 👇
Below, we explore how to restore the balance between your values and the expectations of those around you.
Practical steps to help you live more in alignment with your values
- Examine your values
The first step to living in alignment with your values is knowing what they are. If you still need to list them, read our article on how to figure out what’s important to you in life.
When defining your values, keep in mind that they can vary depending on your stage of life and your primary focus (work, personal, social). So, keep exploring your values, and if you find they differ from those of those around you, practice choosing them better.
- Set a clear goal
To give your personal values more space in your life and communicate them to those around you, it’s helpful to develop a clear plan:
Which values do you not dedicate as much time to as you’d like (perhaps because you’re more concerned with your goals or the expectations of others)?
Choose one area of your life that you consider most important right now. Set a concrete goal for how you want to express your values.
For example, in your personal life: taking music lessons, trying a new sport, saving up for a trip; at work: taking a course, starting your own business; and in your social life: volunteering, meeting new people, or spending more time with your family.
Think about what your daily life would be like if you dedicated more time to those values.
How many hours a day or week do you want to dedicate? What tools or investments do you need? What will change in your schedule? What other things might you have to give up?
- Add more personal values gradually
Living more in line with your values is a gradual process. You don’t have to change your life overnight, because defining your personal values takes time and effort. Don’t rush the process, as a sudden change can cause a conflict in your schedule and affect your relationships with others.
However, what you can do is take small steps. Psychologist Paul says: «We face many decisions and challenges every day; these are good times to put your values into practice.» Start practicing by asking yourself, «What do I want now?» «What do I consider important?» even in everyday situations like choosing whether to go out to dinner or take some time for yourself.
Also interesting 🛑 Do you struggle with saying no? Here’s how to set boundaries effectively.
- Prepare for obstacles.
Being less influenced by the expectations of others is a matter of trial and error. When your values don’t match those of those around you, it’s often easier to do or say what’s habitual.
And that’s okay. Just realizing that it takes practice lowers the threshold for making decisions that align with what you most often stand for.
So be prepared for the obstacles you may encounter when trying to live a more values-based life:
Be aware of your obstacles, for example, having trouble saying no, setting boundaries, not wanting to disappoint others, insecure thoughts («I can’t do it»), shame («What will others think?»), a tendency to think short-term («I’ll do it next time»).
Try to imagine difficult situations in advance in which it will be difficult to defend your values. For example, if your core values include being caring and connecting, but your peers gossip about others, what do you do? In a difficult situation, remind yourself of your goal to live up to your values more; this will guide your response.
Do you receive criticism, objections, or negative reactions from others when you express your values? If so, think ahead about an effective response. You can assertively defend your values without compromising your relationships with others. Try not to be influenced by someone’s negative reaction. Don’t take it personally, but rather consider it for what it is: a differing opinion.
- Communicate respectfully when you conflict with others’ expectations.
It’s natural to conflict with those around you when you indicate that you want to make different choices in your daily life. Perhaps your partner doesn’t understand your desire to focus more on a freelance project. Or your parents disagree with your decision to take a long trip abroad.
You can’t change the expectations of those around you, but you can control your reaction to them.
So how do you communicate your values effectively and respectfully?
Personalize it: Explain why you want something, using words like «I find, I feel, I experience.»
Respond concisely: Instead of appearing defensive with a long-winded answer, get straight to the point. For example, you could say, «Thank you for your advice, but it’s not in my best interest / I think x is important.»
Share your motivation: You can mention what you want to achieve with the change and share your motivation for doing so.
Actively listen: Listen carefully without judgment. Then, acknowledge that you understand the other person’s perspective and respond with an open-ended question like «What do you think about that?» or «Why do you think that?»
Emphasize all possibilities: what is still possible, what you will continue to do, or what won’t change; this way you can focus on what connects you with the other person.
Want to have a face-to-face conversation? Ask if anyone has time to talk and talk later if it’s convenient.
Anticipating an awkward conversation? 💬 Discover more tips for having a difficult conversation here.
- Seek support from accepting people.
If you want to make effective, long-term change, the most crucial step is the support of others. Find a group of people who will support you unconditionally, even if you have different values, as long as you accept each other. With them, you’ll be able to express your emotions to each other and feel understood and motivated again.
Paul offers another piece of advice: «Sometimes, the values you want to uphold don’t match those of your immediate surroundings. It can be helpful to seek out new friends who will provide understanding and motivation to continue living in alignment with your values.»
After all, you don’t have to take the first steps toward a better life alone!
Keep practicing and celebrate your progress.
Finally, remember to start small and look back often to see how far you’ve come. Be proud of every step you take toward a life aligned with what you value.
And remember why you want to change: to live life with a greater sense of purpose and fulfillment.
Want professional guidance on living your values? Attend one of our live group sessions on values or setting boundaries, or book a consultation with a psychologist.
How to Master Your Leadership Style Without Compromising Your Values
The following contribution is from the Human Resources Director (HRD) Asia portal, which offers its readers timely, informative, and high-quality news about the HR profession, as well as opinion pieces and best practices from some of the brightest names in HR and people management.
The author is Louis White.
HR leaders must remain calm yet assertive in times of chaos: here’s how to harness your power.
Understanding who you are is critical to bringing out the best in yourself. However, for a leader, it is essential. When you reach a leadership position within your company, your self-awareness becomes even more important, as you must be aware of the innate traits that can affect your impartiality.
Inherent biases and instilled learnings can make it difficult for anyone to be a truly independent leader and assess any situation objectively. However, there are techniques that can help.
“Self-mastery is the key to great leadership,” said Joe Hart, organizational psychologist and founder of True Perspective.
It’s a combination of knowing your strengths, aligning with your purpose, and understanding how to regulate your emotions. I call this self-mastery, as it requires a lot of work and self-reflection to get all three elements working perfectly.
Self-mastery is less about achieving a level of leadership, but rather how well you calibrate your behavior through awareness.
It’s a bit like pilots constantly adjusting their flight path to ensure they reach their desired destination. It’s not about setting it and forgetting it, otherwise, small changes in the environment will knock you off course.
The First Step
Understanding your strengths and weaknesses is the first step toward leadership mastery.
Most people rise through the ranks because of their strengths, so recognizing and honing them will make you a better leader.
On the other hand, identifying your weaknesses and being honest about them will allow you to be honest about what you need to address.
«Be very clear about your purpose so you can articulate it,» Hart added.
It’s also a good idea to seek input from those who know you well to understand if their experience with you aligns with your purpose.
It’s about leading by example. Regarding emotional regulation, you need to be able to regain your composure. You don’t achieve anything when you let your emotions get the better of you.
About Strengths and Preferences
By conducting a strengths assessment, you can understand and communicate with your colleagues about your preferences and how they will help you in your work.
The Importance of Purpose
When it comes to purpose, it’s essential to have the opportunity to consider your values, what’s most important to you, and how that will contribute to your team’s success.
It’s not enough to simply describe your position and the tasks you’re responsible for. You need to connect who you are with everything you do. The Calm Effect
Remaining calm in any situation will help you as a person and as a leader.
Being able to step back, breathe deeply, and assess the situation independently of emotions isn’t an easy task, but it is a symbol of great leadership.
It’s not something that will be achieved overnight, but you can achieve it with practice, experience, and the ability to step back from any situation and take the time, even briefly, to analyze the facts rationally.
«Being able to remain calm and collected when participating in a discussion will benefit everyone,» Hart said. “You’ll make better decisions, have better relationships, and be much more effective.
As a leader, you must encourage people to know their strengths, identify their purpose, and control their emotions. However, you must also prove it to yourself.
“There’s no better way to convey the importance of something than by doing it yourself. If you’re one of those leaders who says, ‘Do as I say, not as I do,’ stop smiling when you say it. That’s bad leadership and encourages behavior that develops bad leaders.”
Personal Development in HR
Helping staff develop is crucial for the human resources department.
Whether through specific training, workshops, or one-on-one sessions, the human resources department must be part of the process.
“The human resources department must play a key role, starting with personal development,” Hart added.
“It must stop trying to do everything for leaders and collaborate with them.
It plays a key role in identifying the needs of leaders and what will enable the organization to succeed.” You need to find skilled organizational development professionals to collaborate with; however, you must see yourself as a leader, perform the work assigned to you, and relate to them as leaders who aspire to excellence.
Are you struggling to identify your core values?
The following post is from Claire Buck – Award-Winning Business Coach and Mentor, who introduces herself as follows:
Hi, I’m Claire…
For the past ten years, I’ve worked with hundreds of entrepreneurs, CEOs, and executives to create emotionally intelligent, high-performance environments while maintaining a person-centered, individual approach. I work with clients to empower them to overcome incredibly difficult challenges, applying my innovative approach to both their businesses and personal lives.
Having successfully developed a chain of over 60 footwear stores, with a large e-commerce and wholesale division, employing over 500 people and a turnover exceeding £25 million, while managing a large family, I now specialize in working with SMEs and corporate executives on personal and business growth, either individually or in small groups.
What are your core values?
Are you struggling to identify them?
Do you live your life in relation to what truly matters to you?
Do you need help identifying them?
Understanding our values and what truly matters helps us maintain balance in our lives.
If we are forced to do something that doesn’t align with our values, we feel uncomfortable, unhappy, or stressed.
What are the most important things to you in your life?
Make a list of the 20 things you value highly or couldn’t live without, for example: love, faith, spirituality, fun, trust, honesty, travel, loyalty, security, family, friends, etc.
Read it and consider whether you live your life with these values in mind.
If fun is important to you, do you make time for it? Are your friends important to you? Do you return your friendship?
If honesty is important to you, are you honest with others?
Do you feel disconnected?
If you suffer from stress, unhappiness, or dissatisfaction, you may feel disconnected from your values.
We all need life guidelines or goals to work toward to give our lives meaning and purpose, and if we stray too far from these guidelines or goals, we can cause real imbalance.
Do you feel conflicted or compromised?
Reflect carefully on the areas where you feel conflicted or compromised.
Can you resolve it?
How can you make changes?
It may be as simple as spending more time on something or someone important to you, or it may mean a job change or a new way of working.
It could mean changes in the people in your life.
Being around people who don’t value the same things we do can affect the balance in our lives.
If we value honesty, how can we feel comfortable living, working, or being friends with someone we know is a liar?
Does your partner share your same values? Seeking different things, going in different directions, and compromising on your values can cause conflict and unhappiness in the relationship.
If you feel someone in your life has values that don’t align with yours, you need to understand how you can manage this.
For example, if you value travel but your partner doesn’t, you could come to an agreement: one annual vacation together and one alone. It’s not always possible to reach an agreement; if you value trust and someone continually deceives you, you may want to consider cutting them out of your life.
Our values are important. They shape our personalities, the choices we make, and our future.
If we understand what truly matters to us, we can identify what causes us sadness, stress, or dissatisfaction.
Only then can we address these imbalances and get our lives, businesses, or relationships back on track.
If you’re struggling to identify your core values and make sure you’re living in alignment with them, I can help. We can work on the areas of your life that are out of balance or disconnected from your values, and empower you to get back on track.
Start prioritizing what really matters and contact me today. Book a call.
How to Speak Effectively When Asked to Compromise Your Personal Ethics
The following contribution is from the EthicalVoices portal, a weekly blog and podcast designed to share the real ethical challenges faced by communications professionals.
The goal is to educate, inform, inspire, and serve as a practical resource for the 200,000 communications professionals who serve as ethical managers in their organizations every day.
The author is Mark W. McClennan, APR, PRSA Fellow, who is the general manager of C+C’s Boston office. C+C is a communications agency focused on good, purpose-driven brands. He has more than 20 years of experience in technology and fintech agencies. He served as PRSA National President in 2016, spearheaded the creation of the PRSA Ethics App, and is the host of EthicalVoices.com.
In this week’s episode, I’m joined by Sherry Feldberg, a seasoned healthcare communications professional and current director of Leadership Journey.
She discusses several important ethical topics, including:
What to do when your boss asks you to cut ties?
How to speak effectively when asked to compromise your personal ethics
The importance of building trusting relationships
The need to show vulnerability as a leader
Why don’t you tell us more about yourself and your career path?
That’s a very important question, isn’t it? But if I think about how I would describe myself, I would say I’m a heartfelt relationship builder.
Someone with a natural curiosity about how people behave and interact with each other.
What motivates those behaviors? I truly enjoy connecting with people—not with small talk, but with the big issues that matter.
I’m energized by the opportunity to delve into issues, ideas, and challenges and see them from different perspectives.
I’ve always strived to see the world from a different perspective, especially when interacting with people.
I’ve put myself in their shoes and understood it as best I could from their perspective.
And doing this has been key to building trusting, genuine relationships where people can see that I care and want to understand others’ perspectives.
As for my career, I started in public relations at an agency and remained there for many years.
I became passionate about public relations and communications in the healthcare industry and subsequently moved to a corporate communications role at Alkermes, a global pharmaceutical company.
Just a year and a half ago, I made a radical change and launched my own consultancy, Leadership Journey, where I offer a combination of services focused on leadership, professional development, and team building.
What is the most difficult ethical challenge you’ve faced at work?
I’d say it was when I was leading a communications crisis response where a client had published a rather unfavorable piece of news.
There came a point where I fundamentally disagreed with the strategy my boss wanted to pursue.
It was about communicating to the reporter, after the story was published, how angry and disappointed we were with how it was reported.
There was no inaccuracy in the story, no false information that called for a correction.
It was really just to express that feeling. And it felt very wrong and not in line with my values. I’m in the business of building relationships with people. I didn’t really see the value in that.
I was also bothered that, when I tried to explain some of my arguments and discuss them, there was no desire to understand a different point of view.
And to make matters worse, I had a colleague at the time who was aware of the situation and basically said to me, «Well, why don’t you just say you’ll do it and then not do it?»
I thought, «What? I can’t do that.» That’s very dishonest, and it’s not how I want to behave professionally. I just wouldn’t feel good about that.
So it wasn’t a good situation. And something I really struggled with at the time was both the manager’s lack of interest in discussing something that clearly bothered me ethically, and hearing that from a colleague, which was like rubbing salt in the wound.
I want to focus on engaging in dialogue with my manager when I disagree with them. This is a challenge many people face in their careers.
How can you initiate dialogue when one party may not be very receptive?
The best advice is that we can raise virtually any point we want.
It’s about the words we use and the way we frame things.
I think it’s not about being overly emotional. It’s about staying calm and making it clear that you’d like to have a conversation.
First, start by asking for a more open dialogue to better understand their point of view.
Then, ask for the opportunity to express my ideas as they are now and see if we can understand the other’s point of view and see if that changes anything in the situation.
Approach the issue calmly. Don’t say, «I can’t believe you asked me to do this.» Don’t be accusatory or use a lot of «you, you, you.» It’s like saying you just want to talk about it.
And most of the time, that’s worked very well for me. And I know it’s a good approach for others.
It’s when people are too afraid to say something, so they don’t say anything and feel they have no choice, or they just use a lot of emotion, that the situation quickly unravels.
I always tell everyone: you can’t start by saying it’s unethical because they’ll immediately get defensive.
What’s your advice when your boss tells you to do something that compromises your own personal ethics?
You have to analyze the situation. And you also have to try to be reasonable.
So, if it’s something like, «Hey, the client has news and you know a journalist told you they won’t be interested in it,» that’s where the relationship you have depends on you. Hopefully, both your manager and your client trust you.
So you can simply find the right words to communicate that you’re excited to communicate with this journalist and happy to find a different perspective if they’re someone we really want to engage with.
But I know from previous conversations that this isn’t an area of focus. Reinforce that you’re really thinking about how I can improve this relationship we have.
Let’s meet and find a different approach.
It’s about being solutions-oriented. Instead of simply saying, «I can’t do that; it’s against my ethics,» take the time to reflect first and see what opportunities might exist.
What is the client’s true goal? Is it really about getting coverage for that particular news story, or is it about, at some point, wanting that reporter and that publication to publish an article about them?
It’s about understanding what those goals are, building trusting relationships, and being solution-oriented.
This will help you a lot in those moments so that you don’t feel like you have no other option but rather that you’re doing what you know won’t get you anywhere. And that could hurt both you and your client.
What do you consider to be some of the main ethical challenges of communication today and tomorrow?
We see how companies and brands are positioning themselves on key social issues such as diversity, equity, inclusion, and sustainability, designed to achieve a more equitable, fair, clean, and healthy world.
As public relations professionals, we must be cautious, as there will be times when clients want to push that agenda because they feel it’s the right thing to do.
They may not be taking action, but they want to give the impression that they are championing and promoting these issues.
I see this as a major ethical challenge for the public relations professional when there isn’t much action and clients try to say, «Well, we want to appear to be doing so.» That’s tricky. It would be a difficult situation.
When to take a stance on a certain issue
If you find yourself in that situation, it’s, again, about building trusting relationships with a client where you can explain why it’s so important to take action if you’re going to take a strong stance on certain issues. Explain to them what it means to be good. And if you don’t have all the answers, commit to at least collaborating with them and finding resources to help you find them.
I don’t think it’s about always having all the answers, but rather asking the right questions.
Typically, with issues like this, the better the relationship, the easier it is to ask those real questions and be heard.
That way, you’re not just following a directive when you don’t really see it as the right path.
I’ve been talking about the dangers of whitewashing, and I think a lot of people try to position themselves without real action behind it.
Another thing I’ve done to help highlight this with executives is to show examples of cases where it’s been reported and the impact on reputation when people pay lip service but don’t act.
Absolutely. I think it’s very important and an excellent approach to use evidence and data to help a client understand. You can’t just start acting today and not act until later.
You mentioned evidence and data, and they’re crucial to healthcare and healthcare communication. What are some of the ethical challenges you’ve encountered in healthcare communication?
There’s one that’s seen a lot in the world of clinical research.
I don’t think it’s as serious as it used to be. It’s about putting out a press release with clinical research data and announcing the data. The releases start with highlights, from your perspective, of things that went really well. And then at the end, they include a bit about things that didn’t go so well and the side effects. It seems like the positive is being highlighted a lot more than the other side of the coin. I think that’s what can lead to distrust in both the media and the public.
I think companies are doing a much better job lately of finding that balanced perspective and being transparent. Because I think they also know that if they aren’t, there will be others outside the company who will analyze the data and report them.
So, there’s not really much to be gained by trying to dismiss some of the negative aspects of what was found in the data.
That’s to be expected; it’s clinical research. I have the mindset and understanding that it’s not going to be perfect, and I don’t strive to make it seem that way. That’s critical to building trust among stakeholders.
What’s the best ethical advice you’ve ever been given?
You always have a choice.
I don’t always feel that way. When you’re in the moment, especially at different points in your career, you may feel like you have no choice.
Like when my managers told me I had to do this, or when the client asked me to do this.
It’s about being able to say, «Well, wait a second, is there another way?» If this doesn’t feel right, what else could I do about it before just doing something that doesn’t feel right?
Just give yourself the space to question and not feel like you’re doing something wrong, that you’re not being disloyal. In fact, you might end up being a hero for it. Because someone else might not have thought something through as thoroughly as they should have.
I think that’s one of the challenges of public relations and communications today. There’s so much noise, so many things every day that occupy your attention. You really have to force yourself to say, «Okay, I need time to reflect on what I’m doing and decide if there are any ethical issues here.»
Just reflect on it. And if there are, have the courage to raise your hand, and again, do it in a way that people can see that your goal is to make sure the right thing is done for everyone.
People appreciate that. So, going back to what you were saying, from the beginning, it’s not about saying this is unethical and just labeling it that way right away, but about engaging in that dialogue; that’s really what it’s all about.
Reflecting on the last year—there have been so many things that have happened for so many people—what are the questions and issues that leaders need help with today, more than in the past?
One of the themes I see is that there can be a resistance to showing vulnerability as a leader.
Even though people know that Harvard Business Review says not to look weak and that showing vulnerability helps connect with people and demonstrate humanity, people still think, «Yeah, but what makes them think this or that about me? Do I really want to go to that point?»
Everyone has been vulnerable this year. And as horrible as it’s been, it’s also been an opportunity to connect on a human level. This has been a year where leaders have been able to find strength in that. It was almost as if they were forced to be vulnerable because everyone was, and it was hard to hide it when everyone can see into your house, both literally and figuratively.
I think that’s probably the most important lesson: we are all people first and foremost, and we share that. Make sure you don’t forget that along the way and feel comfortable embracing it. However, there’s a balance to be found. I don’t think people respond well when a leader goes overboard and shares too much personally; that’s happening. But I think it can manifest itself in subtle ways, even unrelated to your personal life.
If you’re trying to understand what we’re doing from the perspective of COVID policies and you’re feeling really affected by an issue, I think opening up to the team and saying, «I see both sides of this. What do you think? I’d really like to hear your perspective.» I think it takes a more experienced leader to recognize the value of openness. It doesn’t mean you’re weak for not having the answer. It’s your job to foster that dialogue to ensure the best solutions and ideas emerge and are brought to the table. I think having that mindset—being more open, comfortable, and vulnerable—has been an important theme. And those who have embraced it the most have benefited.
You Can Succeed Without Compromising Your Values
The following contribution is from the Complete Wellbeing portal, which is a cause, a mission to impact and transform people’s lives. Led by a young and dynamic team, it has earned a reputation as one of the world’s best in transformative content. Complete Wellbeing has received critical acclaim from both readers and professionals. In 2012, Complete Wellbeing received an award for excellence in health and wellness content from Medscape India, an independent organization of physicians and healthcare professionals.
The author is Louise Altman, a partner at Intentional Communication Consultants, a company that provides coaching and organizational consulting globally. Her services focus on emotional intelligence and social neuroscience.
It is possible to achieve the success you desire if you hold fast to the values that matter to you.
You Can Succeed Without Compromising Your Values
When it comes to success, advice abounds. The problem is that most people don’t focus inward.
Success, as traditionally defined in many cultures, is about extrinsic rewards; power is primarily defined by position and money.
Of course, you need education, experience, and skills to help you achieve your goals, but do your goals include what you need to grow and maintain your well-being?
It’s said that the most important thing in life is deciding what’s important.
Using your personal values as a reference to navigate the inevitable challenges of working toward your goals is critical.
The term «values» may seem overused, but don’t let that fool you.
Your values represent what’s most meaningful to you in work, relationships, and life in general. Acting from your values will provide a solid foundation that will inspire, strengthen, and renew you every step of the way.
Without a solid sense of your values to guide you, it’s easy to get caught up in the interests of others. While it’s noble and necessary to support others, it’s critical not to stray from the path of serving the needs of others.
Working with your values is an ongoing process.
Think of your values as your measure of «truth and meaning.» While there will be fluctuations in the things that matter most to you at different times in your life, your core values are unlikely to change.
These checkpoints can help you better understand what you value most:
- Know your beliefs.
Beliefs drive all behavior. Beliefs direct our lives in ways we’re often unaware of. You have beliefs about everything: success, work, money, relationships, and, most importantly, about who you are and what you’re capable of. The more you connect your actions to your beliefs, the more empowered you are to make changes in your experience.
- Cultivate Greater Self-Awareness
Consider self-awareness as your primary tool. Becoming more self-aware requires a commitment to honest self-assessment. It can be difficult not only to tolerate the emotional discomfort of honestly analyzing our behavior, but also to do so without harsh self-judgment. Developing a more mindful approach will help you in this important ongoing process.
- Expand Your Emotional Repertoire
The path to success is not only about ambition and determination. You’ll need a greater fund of feelings that support your efforts and connect you with others. It’s a cliché, but find your passion. Activate your curiosity for the unknown. Cultivate your confidence through honest self-assessment. Practice patience: it will serve you well in any circumstance. And regardless of your personality, develop your social skills by showing empathy and gratitude.
- Wherever you are, be all that you are present for.
These days, it’s easy to get distracted and lose focus. The problem is that we focus more on doing than on being. Mindfulness is a rare quality, and most people will sense your interest and caring when they receive it. Staying «present» will also help activate your awareness, regardless of the situation.
- Don’t Get Caught in Comparisons
There is nothing more distracting and emotionally debilitating than getting caught up in envy and jealousy. It’s one thing to admire and adopt the positive qualities of others, but don’t belittle yourself in the process. We are all unique.
- Manage Fear
Fear is learned. We are not born with fear. It is parents, teachers, friends, and the culture at large that teach us fear, often in subtle ways. While fear can have a protective quality, its insidious influence prevents us from taking actions that could benefit us. Fear comes in many forms, and since emotional contagion is real, we must protect ourselves from catching it from others.
- Don’t attribute «results» to every action you take.
Sometimes, the road to success can feel like a race. We get lost judging each activity as progress or regression. This type of thinking often creates anxiety and doubt. It assumes there will be «failures» and setbacks along the way; all are welcome in the learning process.
- Maintain humility.
There’s no shortage of boasting and self-promotion. Humility can seem weak or passive in the face of this. Don’t be swayed by these ideas. Humility is essential and promotes appreciation.
- Don’t succumb to cynicism.
Cynicism can become a default feeling and worldview. Energetically, it’s draining, both for you and for others. Pursuing your goals will undoubtedly mean facing challenges and setbacks. Don’t join the cynics’ club when that happens. Evaluate your situation positively and reorganize your thoughts with greater intensity and more resourceful emotions. You may also be interested in: Align your true values to live a fulfilling life
- Prioritize peace
Many people postpone peace. In the hustle and bustle of life, it’s easy to relegate peaceful moments to an occasional vacation. Staying on track toward achieving your goals requires time dedicated to reflection. Rest and relaxation are essential. Make room in your life for peace, and it will find you.
Every path to professional success will have its ups and downs, but when you stand firm on the foundation you’ve built, you’ll maintain your balance.